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Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The two maps below show road access to a city hospital in 2007 and in 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparison where relevant.

The two maps below show road access to a city hospital in 2007 and in 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparison where relevant.
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The below chart illustrated buying and renting accommodation percentage of
households
 in England and Wales between 1918 and 2011.
Overall
, the percentage of people living in England and Wales who used to live in
rent
Replace the word
rented
show examples
households
 decreased with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
respect
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 time.
In contrast
, The rate of people buying their own house increased within the given time duration.
Moreover
,
the
Change the article
apply
show examples
1971 was the year when both types of
residential
Add an article
the residential
show examples
population
Fix the agreement mistake
populations
show examples
 were equal.
To begin
 with, more than 75% of
households
 settled in rented living quarters in 1918 and
it
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 was the highest rate in the whole period.
However
, the
percent
Replace the word
percentage
show examples
 steadily decreased from 78% in 1918 to 59% in 1961
then
 dropped drastically until 2001 and remained
just
Change preposition
at just
show examples
 over 30%. The figure
also
 showed a gradual
increased
Replace the word
increase
show examples
 in 2011 which is around 36%.
On the other hand
,
households
 in the owned accommodation were not popular taking around 22% in 1918.
Nevertheless
, the figure rose with fluctuation and reached its peak in the year 2001
just
Change preposition
at just
show examples
 below 70%.
Afterward
Change the spelling
Afterwards
show examples
, the popularity of
households
 in owned
house
Fix the agreement mistake
houses
show examples
 fall slightly by 5% in 2011.
Submitted by n.gawkseng on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words households with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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