IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Everyone should stay at school until 18. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

#school
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The given line graph illustrates the average
amount
Use synonyms
 of Carbon Dioxide emitted by each
person
Use synonyms
 in four countries, namely
United
Correct article usage
the United
show examples
 Kingdom, Sweden, Italy and Portugal over a 40-year period starting from 1967. In general, it can be clearly seen that the CO2
amount
Use synonyms
 which was emitted by an English and a Swede
decrease
Wrong verb form
decreased
show examples
 significantly throughout the given period while Italy and Portugal saw a rapid rise in their average CO2
emissions
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
United
Correct article usage
the United
show examples
 Kingdom always placed
first
Linking Words
 in the
amount
Use synonyms
 of CO2 emitted per
person
Use synonyms
 during the given time.
Firstly
Linking Words
, between 1967 and 1977, we saw a steep increase in the CO2 emission
amount
Use synonyms
 of Italy and Portugal, to just above 6 metric
tonnes
Use synonyms
 and over 2 metric
tonnes
Use synonyms
, respectively. The
next
Linking Words
 20 years still saw a significant upward trend in the CO2
emissions
Use synonyms
 of Portugal, rising to more than 5 metric
tonnes
Use synonyms
.
In contrast
Linking Words
, Italy's
amount
Use synonyms
 of CO2 emitted by each
person
Use synonyms
 started to slow down. It only increases by more than one metric
Use synonyms
tonnes
Fix the agreement mistake
tonne
show examples
 compared to the 3-metric-tonne increase in Portugal. During the
last
Linking Words
 10 years, both
countries's
Remove the s
countries'
show examples
 level of CO2
emissions
Use synonyms
 seemed to level off at roughly 5.5 metric
tonnes
Use synonyms
 in Portugal and over 7.5 metric
tonnes
Use synonyms
 in Italy
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the average
amount
Use synonyms
 of CO2 emitted into the air of
United
Correct article usage
the United
show examples
 Kingdom remained the highest over the given period with a gradual decrease from around 11 to about 7 metric
tonnes
Use synonyms
. The CO2
emissions
Use synonyms
 per
person
Use synonyms
 in Sweden reached the peak at approximately 10 metric
tonnes
Use synonyms
 in 1977 and
then
Linking Words
 rapidly went down to 7 metric
tonnes
Use synonyms
 in 1987. The
last
Linking Words
 20 years observed a gradual drop in the CO2
amount
Use synonyms
 emitted by each
person
Use synonyms
 in Sweden.
Submitted by nguyenthuhuyenngan on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Peer pressure
  • Desensitize
  • Aggressive behavior
  • Neglect
  • Abuse
  • Supervision
  • Anti-bullying measures
  • Societal norms
  • Stereotypes
  • Dominance
  • Cyberbullying
  • Anonymity
  • Digital devices
  • Enforcement
  • Cultural tolerance
What to do next:
Look at other essays: