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More and more athletes are using drugs to enhance their performance. What do you think are the reasons and effects of this?

#athletes #drugs #performance #effects
Sports careers become attractive for numerous
people
 all around the world. Many athletes start consuming
drugs
 to achieve a rapid result,
while
 others practice regularly
for developing
Change preposition
to develop
show examples
 themself. In
this
 essay, I will discuss possible reasons and consequences
drugs
 might have The are a couple of causes why
sportsmans
Correct your spelling
sportsmen
show examples
 start using
drugs
. It is not a secret that sport is a business and can make
people
wealth
Replace the word
wealthy
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.
As a result
, athletes who are not gifted would like to take their place under the sun and finds stimulant as the only possible solution to improve their skills. Another major fact is that sportsmen who win frequently are quite popular. A successful athlete who
overperformed
Wrong verb form
overperforms
show examples
 and always wins can significantly accelerate climbing on the career ladder.
Therefore
, they sign
up
Change preposition
apply
show examples
new contracts not only with sport-related companies but
also
 with companies from other spheres for promoting their products.
On the other hand
, using sports medicine prevents finding
talents
Fix the agreement mistake
talent
show examples
as well as
 has an influence on consumers' health. Doping demolishes fair competitions. Many
people
 put their whole life into growing sports abilities and might be not recognized as the person who is under the
dopings
Fix the agreement mistake
doping
show examples
 shows much greater results.
Also
, as
drugs
 boost performance, they negatively affect health. If
people
 do a lot of physical activity, their hearts might not be ready for that. In some severe cases,
drugs
 can lead to death. In conclusion, consuming dopings can boost individual results in the short term and gain popularity
along with
 wealthiness.
However
, from a long-term
perspective
Add a comma
perspective,
show examples
drugs
 will cause health.
Moreover
, young talents can be missed as they do not use
drugs
 and do not show adorable results.
Submitted by s.zinkevych on

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coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear structure but should work on improving the overall logical flow of ideas. Transition words and phrases can help improve coherence.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present but need to be more developed. They should explicitly outline the key points and arguments.
task achievement
The response is generally complete and addresses the prompt, but it would benefit from more comprehensive development of ideas.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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