IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

In many parts of the world, it is common for one parent to stay at home and raise a new born child while other works full time to earn money. Do advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

#parts #world #parent #home #child #works #time #money
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The upbringing of a newborn
child
Use synonyms
 requires a lot of effort and time from
parents
Use synonyms
. Nowadays both husband and wife started earning for future endeavours,
,
Change the punctuation
apply
show examples
Linking Words
Moreover
Add a comma
,Moreover
show examples
 they are contributing equally in order to run their house ,
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
,However
show examples
 In spite of
being
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
the availability of caretakers, there are some parts of the world where a newborn
child
Use synonyms
 raised by
one
Use synonyms
 of the
parents
Use synonyms
 and the other
one
Use synonyms
 earns their living.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss how the advantages overtake the disadvantages. On the
one
Use synonyms
 hand, the early stages of an infant are considered very crucial. At
this
Linking Words
 ,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
stage they develop their body parts and learn everything. And for that
parents
Use synonyms
 can only be the ones who can groom their children by taking care of their health and other necessities. For ,example nutritional value of a
child
Use synonyms
's meal must be appropriate, as the body and most of its organs require nutrition to develop appropriately.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the newborn learns what they actually saw and try to mimic and grasp each and everything they observe.
Parents
Use synonyms
 should always stay around their babies so that they will be able to teach them their values, ethics and morals. In the conclusion,
parents
Use synonyms
 play various roles in the life of their
child
Use synonyms
 a
friend
Fix the agreement mistake
friends
show examples
, teachers, etc. And if they want that their
child
Use synonyms
 would be able to learn and grow in a healthy way,
one
Use synonyms
 of them should be there with the newborn.
Hence
Linking Words
 its advantages outweigh its disadvantages
Submitted by cashivam2675 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: