Nowadays, young people are admiring media and sports stars, even though they often do not set a good example. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

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In today's society, it is common for young people to look up to
media
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and
sports
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stars as their idols.
However
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,
this
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trend raises concerns regarding its impact on youth development. I believe that the admiration for
such
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celebrities is predominantly a negative development, as it often encourages undesirable
behaviors
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behaviours
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and values.
To begin
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with, many celebrities in
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media
Correct article usage
the media
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and
sports
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do not set a good example for impressionable young minds. Numerous instances have emerged where famous athletes or entertainers have been involved in scandals,
such
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as substance abuse or unethical conduct.
For example
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, several well-known footballers have been caught in drug-related controversies, which not only tarnish their own reputations but
also
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send misleading messages to their fans.
Consequently
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, young admirers might emulate these harmful habits, believing them to be acceptable or even glamorous, which undermines the cultivation of positive virtues
such
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as discipline and respect. Admittedly, some
media
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and
sports
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stars do motivate young people by showcasing hard work, perseverance, and success. These figures can encourage a healthy lifestyle and ambition. An athlete who overcomes adversity to achieve greatness can inspire teenagers to pursue their goals vigorously.
Nevertheless
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,
such
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positive role models are fewer in number and often overshadowed by the pervasive celebrity culture that
emphasizes
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emphasises
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fame and wealth over moral integrity.
Thus
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, the net effect of
idolizing
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idolising
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these stars tends to skew towards negative outcomes. In conclusion,
while
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there are occasional benefits to admiring
media
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and
sports
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celebrities, the
overall
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influence on young people is more detrimental than beneficial. It is vital to encourage youths to seek role models who exemplify genuine values and constructive
behaviors
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behaviours
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rather than blindly
idolizing
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idolising
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those in the public eye whose lives may not be an ideal template for success and ethics.

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task response
For task response, your answer is clear and you give your opinion from the start. To get a higher score, add one more strong and real example.
task response
For task response, your ideas are good, but one point is a bit too general, like saying good role models are fewer. Explain why in more detail.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, your essay is easy to follow and each paragraph has a clear job. To improve, make the link between ideas inside the body paragraphs even smoother.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, you use words like however, consequently, and nevertheless well. Still, do not depend too much on linking words; let the ideas connect more naturally too.
task response
For task response, you answer the question fully and clearly say it is a negative development.
task response
For task response, you include both the bad side and the good side before giving a final view. This makes your answer balanced.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, your essay has a strong structure with a clear introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, each main paragraph stays on one main idea, so the reader can follow your argument easily.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example
Topic Vocabulary:
  • media personalities
  • sports icons
  • role models
  • admiration
  • influence
  • behavior
  • mindset
  • values
  • unethical behavior
  • healthy lifestyles
  • social media platforms
  • celebrity culture
  • career aspirations
  • educational goals
  • positive change
  • ethical standards
  • amplify
  • idolize
  • public perception
  • impressionable
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