Some people say the main way to be happy in life is to have a lot of money. How might having a lot of money make people happy? What other things in life can make people happy?

Nowadays,
money
is stunningly attractive to those
people
who want a better
life
. Some
people
are of the opinion that to have a happy
life
they need to obtain more and more
money
. First and foremost , there are myriads of reasons that
money
can help
people
who need welfare in their lives . To elaborate more , when you have huge sums of
money
you can gain career knowledge .
In addition
, many
people
believe that
money
is a comfort zone for their family where they can pay exorbitant charges for anything they want ,
such
as a
luxury
Replace the word
luxurious
show examples
life
, good health or recreational facilities . Researchers in California claim that
people
living in third-world countries are suffering various prevailing diseases , as they have no source of income .
Secondly
, many believe that
people
should not rely on
money
dut so they can live a happy
life
by having a boon family or success in work and education . According to BBC news reports, millions of
people
will be happier than others when they achieve success in their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
. For more explanation, when you graduate from university and are looking for seizing a decent job and you achieve the job , you will be very happy with
this
achievement .
Moreover
,
people
can be happier with hard work and the dreams they want to achieve .
To conclude
, in today's world
people
have tied their happiness to
money
which may have detrimental effects on their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
.
Submitted by maralkarimi48 on

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coherence cohesion
Improve the logical structure of the essay. Ensure that the introduction and conclusion are more developed.
task achievement
Address the task prompt more completely, and provide more relevant and specific examples to support your points.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Financial security
  • Basic needs
  • Comfort
  • Luxury
  • Freedom
  • Altruistic
  • Philanthropy
  • Nurturing relationships
  • Fulfillment
  • Sense of accomplishment
  • Physical well-being
  • Spiritual beliefs
  • Community involvement
  • Gratitude
  • Mindfulness
  • Simple pleasures
What to do next:
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