IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that Government should take measures to improve the health of its citizens. Others think it must be managed by individuals. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #government #measures #health #citizens #individuals
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A portion of the global population claims that official organizations have to prevent citizens from
health
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 problems.
However
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, others individuals say that
health
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 conditions should be handled by themselves and not by the
government
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.
This
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 essay will discuss both these points of view and argue in favour of the latter. It is widely accepted that the
healthcare
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 policies of the
government
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 can play significant key roles in improving public
health
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 conditions. These establish guidelines that benefit patients,
healthcare
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 organizations, and our
healthcare
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 systems. Backing through history, there is a clear relationship between the strategy of public
health
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 by the
government
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 and the number of infections of common diseases.
For example
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, from 1960 to the
70’s
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’70s
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, several Japanese suffered from asthma because of serious air pollution. Advancing industrialization and increasing factories caused
health
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 problems at that time.
As a result
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, the Japanese
government
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 regulated the emission of industrial pollution to preserve citizens' lives.
On the other hand
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,
people
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 can easily pay attention to their
healthcare
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. It is mainly because they can access various information regarding
healthcare
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 on different websites on the internet.
For instance
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,
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recently
rerecently
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Recently
,
people
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 can get various healthy food recipes very easily and they can give them a try.
Therefore
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, it could improve the importance of
health
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 awareness. In my opinion,
healthcare
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 issues should consider as individual matters because
people
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 can keep their
health
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 in good condition by using applications. Thanks to the development of technology, these kinds of devices accurately analyze users’
health
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 conditions and give them specific advice.
This
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 self-management of
health
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 enables
people
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 to change daily habits by themselves. In conclusion, there are two different perspectives on
this
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 topic: the
government
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 should take responsibility for the
health
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 of the nation. Nowadays, it is possible for
people
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 to get more personalized
healthcare
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 information from devices or applications and individual
people
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 improve their well-being.
Submitted by uav025xn on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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