IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Some people think that Government should take measures to improve the health of its citizens. Others think it must be managed by individuals. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #government #measures #health #citizens #individuals
A portion of the global population claims that official organizations have to prevent citizens from
health
 problems.
However
, other individuals say that
health
 conditions should be handled by themselves and not by the
government
.
This
 essay will discuss both these points of view and argue in favour of the latter. It is widely accepted that the
healthcare
 policies of the
government
 can play significant key roles in improving public
health
 conditions. These establish guidelines that benefit patients,
healthcare
 organizations, and our
healthcare
 systems.
For example
, from 1960 to the 1970s, several Japanese suffered from asthma because of serious air pollution. Advancing industrialization and increasing factories caused
health
 problems at that time.
As a result
, the Japanese
government
 regulated the emission of industrial pollution to preserve citizens' lives.
On the other hand
,
people
 can easily pay attention to their
healthcare
. It is mainly because they can access various information regarding
healthcare
 on different websites on the internet.
For instance
, recently,
people
 can get various healthy food recipes very easily and
also
 they can give them a try.
Therefore
, it could improve the importance of
health
 awareness. In my opinion,
healthcare
 issues should consider as individual matters because
people
 can keep their
health
 in good condition by using applications. Thanks to the development of technology, these kinds of devices accurately analyze users’
health
 conditions and give them specific advice.
This
 self-management of
health
 enables
people
 to change daily habits by themselves. In conclusion, there are two different perspectives on
this
 topic: the
government
 should take responsibility for the
health
 of the nation. Nowadays, it is possible for
people
 to get more personalized
healthcare
 information from devices or applications and individual
people
 improve their well-being.
Submitted by uav025xn on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: