Obesity was once considered a disease of adults; however, it is becoming increasingly common among children. Why do you think this is happening? What can be done to help children stay healthy?

#obesity #disease #adults #children

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?

It has been noticeable these days , that both adults and children suffer from

obisety

Correct your spelling

obesity

and the numbers are

Correct your spelling

rapidly

rapidlly

Correct your spelling

rapidly

increasing. The upcoming paragraphs will illustrate the reasons behind

this

phenomenon and suggest some effective solutions to tackle

this

problem.

To begin

with, it is well

Correct your spelling

known

knon

Correct your spelling

known

that long working hours have totally changed the lifestyle of

people

around the world. it

have

Change the verb form

has

show examples

pushed them to find alternatives to

Correct your spelling

homemade

show examples

home made

Correct your spelling

homemade

show examples

food

Therefore

, fast

food

was the optimal option for them because fast

food

outlets are found everywhere and the price is affordable for all income groups. At the same

time

Add a comma

,time

show examples

the

Correct your spelling

benefits

benifits

Correct your spelling

benefits

this

solution were eclipsed by its drawbacks as

this

kind of

food

has led to

Correct your spelling

overweight

overwieght

Correct your spelling

overweight

and other dangerous diseases.A good example to illustrate

this

Correct your spelling

claim is

claims

claimis

Correct your spelling

claim is

that many recent studies have shown

clear

Add an article

a clear

show examples

link between the consumption of fast

food

and the

raise

Correct your spelling

rise

show examples

Change preposition

show examples

obisety

Correct your spelling

obesity

level

Fix the agreement mistake

levels

show examples

among different

age-groups

Correct your spelling

age groups

show examples

. Another reason is that

people

nowadays tend to spend their leisure time passively rather than actively.

in other words

, technology has changed the activities

people

like to do , they would rather go to watch a 3D movie rather than

going

Wrong verb form

show examples

to exercise with others. Kids

also

prefer to play video games rather than playing a

socore

Correct your spelling

soccer

score

ball or

ride

Wrong verb form

riding

show examples

their bikes with their friends. Because of

this

sedentary

lifestyle

Add a comma

,lifestyle

show examples

adults and kids started to gain

Correct your spelling

weight

wieght

Correct your spelling

weight

as they consume calories without burning them. The ultimate and most effective solution could be by raising

people

Change noun form

people's

show examples

awareness about their health. It could be by

Correct your spelling

encouraging

ecouraging

Correct your spelling

encouraging

students to participate in extracurricular activities and offering programmes to raise their knowledge about healthy and balanced diets and

beside

Replace the word

besides

show examples

that governments ought to make fast

food

companies offer

beside

Replace the word

besides

show examples

their 'classic' meals '

dite

Correct your spelling

diet

' meals to give

people

option to choose better and healthier

food

. To

recaptulate

Correct your spelling

recapitulate

, The aforementioned points, clearly show the reasons behind the dramatical increase of

obisity

Correct your spelling

obesity

level among adults and young children and suggested some solutions to undertake to tackle the deteriorating level of

overwieght

Correct your spelling

overweight

issues. Meanwhile, these suggestions will not be

achieveable

Correct your spelling

achievable

if individuals did not respond and started to change their

lifestyle

Fix the agreement mistake

lifestyles

show examples

Submitted by 3.ALSHABI on Fri Aug 19 2022

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

5
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
38
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

7.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

5 paragraphs

355 words

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

6.5
band
Some people think that university education should focus on skills for future employment. Others think academic study should be the only focus. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Right now, people are having a big debate about what universities should focus on in education. Some say that academic study should be the priority. In this essay, I will explain my opinion by looking at both sides of the argument.
5.5
band
You have been offered a place at a university and wish to find suitable accommodation. Write a letter to the accommodation officer including the following information: •the type of accommodation you wish to find •some details about yourself •any special requirements you may have and any other relevant information.
I have recently received confirmation that I have gained a place on the M.Sc. Computer programming course at your university, strating this September, and am writing to you with regards to arranging for accommodation, My student registration number is 123545.
5
band
Some people belive that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. Other argue that it is better to try and improve such situations. Discuss both these views and give your own opinión.
According to some people, we should accept unacceptable situations like an unsatisfactory profession or scarcity of money. However, others believe that, instead we should try to improve those situations. I personally believe that, surviving in an unacceptable situation should not be accepted rather trying to improve it would be beneficial.
5
band
Children are more likely to talk to their pets about their problems, than their siblings" (Source: BBC) Nowadays more and more pet owners consider their pets as a member of their family. To what extent do you agree with this statement?
I would like to say that after the internet developed every country was connected by social networks or gaming, such as YouTube and Instagram. It is a fabulous situation even smartphones did not exist until 2008. However, now most people; without the 3rd world and a few undeveloped countries. are able to travel in their room to use VR technology, and these fantastic technologies have evoked people to get closer with time. Nevertheless, I would like to say that this is a kind of double-edged sword.
4.5
band
WRITING TASK 2 You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Write about the following topic: Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.
Children much spend hours every day on their smartphones. Since smartphones are involve to enjoyable aplications and games. To illustrate Snapchat, Instagram and Pubg. These are harmful for the children. Therefore they shouldn't much spend time on smartphones. Seeing that smartphones causes to physical problems and some mind problems. After that smartphones has many advantages and disadvantages.

Obesity was once considered a disease of adults; however, it is becoming increasingly common among children. Why do you think this is happening? What can be done to help children stay healthy?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Some people think that university education should focus on skills for future employment. Others think academic study should be the only focus. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Some people belive that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. Other argue that it is better to try and improve such situations. Discuss both these views and give your own opinión.

Children are more likely to talk to their pets about their problems, than their siblings" (Source: BBC) Nowadays more and more pet owners consider their pets as a member of their family. To what extent do you agree with this statement?