Some people think that art is an essential subject for children at school while others think that it is a waste of time. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #art #children #school #waste #time

In the contemporary epoch,

whilst

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

some opponents hold the view that teaching music and artistry may hinder the student's

skills

. Some proponents and I believe that it is quintessential for pupils to study

such

materials to improve their intellectual

skills

. My contention will be

further

explained. On the one hand,

although

having

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

art

Correct your spelling

show examples

crucial material in enormous schools, some individuals still reckon that it is just a wasted effort.

this

means that when pupils focus on other essential topics

such

as sci

ence

Correct your spelling

science

and math, they may get better opportunities in prestigious universities. An eminent example is a survey conducted by the University of Alberta, Canada, which revealed that those who have more cognitive

skills

can secure thriving jobs easily.

Hence

, what can be said is that scientific subjects can guarantee a good future with ample jobs.

On the other hand

, having subjects like art and music strengthens the pupils' way of thinking and ameliorates their mentality.

In other words

, even in basic sallybuses like chemistry or geology, if they have a complicated topic,

Correct pronoun usage

they

show examples

had better add a large number of graphs and use crafts to make it more lucid for the adolescents.

For example

, A study conducted by Ahram magazine in Egypt has shown that those who have studied artwork in their childhood have better analysis and communication

skills

Thus

, Not only academic topics are the key to becoming a successful person, but

also

fine arts are salient for some jobs like painters and authors. In conclusion,

after

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

this

essay has manifested the above-mentioned points. It can be reiterated that art empowers all the scholar’s mentality. I am a staunch believer that if all the schools adopted artistry as a mandatory subject, the new generation would have an amazing life full of creativity.

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Language

The essay provides a good range of vocabulary but lacks precision and accuracy in expression.

Fully explain your ideas

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Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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11Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

296 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

self-expression
critical thinking
problem-solving
cultural awareness
tolerant society
STEM subjects
employability
rigorous subjects
curriculum
school budgets
enriches
complements

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Some people think that art is an essential subject for children at school while others think that it is a waste of time. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Fully explain your ideas

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Some people think that Olympic games are exciting events that bring other nations together. Other say Olympics is a waste of money and the moneycould be better spent on other things. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbles and interests, and whether they are married or single. Some people say that this Information may be relevant and useful. Others disagree. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

Fewer young people choose to work in farming. What are the reasons? Should young people be encouraged to do farming work?

Prevention is better than cure. Out of a country’s health budget, a large proportion should be diverted from treatment to spending on health education and preventive measure. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Computers are widely used in education and teachers now play a less important role in the classroom than ever before. Do you agree or disagree?