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Some people think that art is an essential subject for children at school while others think that it is a waste of time. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #art #children #school #waste #time
In the contemporary epoch,
whilst
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
some opponents hold the view that teaching music and artistry may hinder the student's
skills
. Some proponents and I believe that it is quintessential for pupils to study
such
 materials to improve their intellectual
skills
. My contention will be
further
 explained. On the one hand,
although
having
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
art
as
Correct your spelling
a
show examples
 crucial material in enormous schools, some individuals still reckon that it is just a wasted effort.
this
 means that when pupils focus on other essential topics
such
 as sci
ence
Correct your spelling
science
 and math, they may get better opportunities in prestigious universities. An eminent example is a survey conducted by the University of Alberta, Canada, which revealed that those who have more cognitive
skills
 can secure thriving jobs easily.
Hence
, what can be said is that scientific subjects can guarantee a good future with ample jobs.
On the other hand
, having subjects like art and music strengthens the pupils' way of thinking and ameliorates their mentality.
In other words
, even in basic sallybuses like chemistry or geology, if they have a complicated topic,
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 had better add a large number of graphs and use crafts to make it more lucid for the adolescents.
For example
, A study conducted by Ahram magazine in Egypt has shown that those who have studied artwork in their childhood have better analysis and communication
skills
.
Thus
, Not only academic topics are the key to becoming a successful person, but
also
 fine arts are salient for some jobs like painters and authors. In conclusion,
after
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
this
 essay has manifested the above-mentioned points. It can be reiterated that art empowers all the scholar’s mentality. I am a staunch believer that if all the schools adopted artistry as a mandatory subject, the new generation would have an amazing life full of creativity.
Submitted by madonna.ibrahim.labib on

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Language
The essay provides a good range of vocabulary but lacks precision and accuracy in expression.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • self-expression
  • critical thinking
  • problem-solving
  • cultural awareness
  • tolerant society
  • STEM subjects
  • employability
  • rigorous subjects
  • curriculum
  • school budgets
  • enriches
  • complements
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