People are consuming more and more sugar-based drinks. Why? What can be done to reduce sugary drink consumption?

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It is true that nowadays, the consumption of sugary
drinks
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is dramatically increasing. In my opinion,
this
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is derived from the easy access and popularity of fast food, and I think
this
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phenomenon can be tackled with proper measures
such
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as
governments’
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governments
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regulations and campaigns.
To begin
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with, ever-increasing sales of beverages containing
sugar
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can be explained by two primary factors.
First,
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people can readily buy soft
drinks
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at convenience stores, supermarkets, and even offices and schools where vending machines are installed.
That is
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,
this
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implies that they prefer to buy a can of Coke
instead
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of carrying water with them in order to be hydrated.
Second,
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busy modern people consume soft
drinks
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with their meals in fast food outlets.
Due to
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their hectic schedules and various commitments, they value time rather than healthier and more nutritious meals.
Nevertheless
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,
this
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issue can be addressed by a
government’s
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government
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policy and public service advertising that shows the impact on the body when
blood
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the blood
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sugar
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level is too high. First and foremost, the government can enact regulations that can deter citizens from consuming unhealthy beverages
such
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as Coke, Fanta, and Sprite.
For example
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, they can impose penalties on companies which make soft
drinks
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surpassing specific levels of
sugar
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concentration which cause serious diseases including diabetes and obesity.
Besides
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, the government can initiate campaigns to educate the public on the detrimental
effect
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effects
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on health which can be caused by an excessive amount of
sugar
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. Considering the general public
are
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is
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not aware of or
do
Correct subject-verb agreement
does
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not pay attention to
possible
Correct article usage
the possible
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dangers of consuming sugary carbonated
drinks
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,
this
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is one of the most effective ways to change their attitude. In conclusion,
although
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it is noticeable that many people enjoy
drinks
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containing
sugar
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due to
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convenience to buy and busy lifestyles, I would argue that
this
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can be dealt with well by regulating food companies and promoting expected health issues that they can cause.
Submitted by garim4645 on

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coherence cohesion
Strengthen the linkage between your two main points and the thesis stated in the introduction for better cohesion.
task achievement
Provide more detailed examples or evidence to support claims, specifically regarding governmental actions.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion that restate the main points effectively.
coherence cohesion
Main ideas are well organized with clear paragraphs dedicated to separate points of discussion.
task achievement
The response adequately addresses the question by discussing both reasons and potential solutions.

Your opinion

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Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

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...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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