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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Museums and art galleries should show local history and culture instead of work from different countries. Discuss both views and give opinion.

#museums #art #galleries #show #history #culture #work #countries
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In
this
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 contemporary epoch, whilst proponents hold the view that it is paramount to support museums with nations’ personal art, opponents have a diverse view.
However
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, I
am
Verb problem
agree
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 with the former view because it has a good impact on the folk. Both views,
as well as
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 my contention, will be
further
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 explained. On the one hand, some authorities are of the belief that introducing a plethora of different countries’ paintings results in a higher income.
In other words
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, when
such
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 places contain more
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
 from several cities, it will draw the attention of many visitors, and they will pay a lot of dollars. A prime example of
that is
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 the Egyptian handicrafts which are found in Italy.
Hence
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, what can be said is that presenting other cultural works positively influences the local income.
On the other hand
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, there are many advocates who are
interesting
Replace the word
interested
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 in showing only their private drawings and historical monuments in the museums because these create job opportunities and support the national cultural identity. To illustrate, when they shed light on their personal history, they preserve and conserve the culture of their heritage.
For example
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, the Egyptian Museum used to exhibit Egyptian exhibits.
In addition
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, selling handicrafts provides a living for some families.
Thus
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, not only does showing
the
Correct article usage
apply
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traditional works facilitate the opportunity to have a profession,
it
Correct word choice
but it
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boosts
Rephrase
also boosts
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 the national status and prestige. In conclusion,
after
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this
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 essay has manifested the points mentioned above, it can be reiterated that supporting the nation's personal work has an enormous impact on the folk. I am convinced that it is hard to underestimate the influence of taking care of private historical work.
Submitted by nadaabobakr1 on

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coherence cohesion
Improve the logical structure of your essay by organizing your ideas more coherently.
task achievement
Provide a fuller response to the task by discussing the views in more depth and offering more comprehensive examples.
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