IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that zoo are cruel and all zoos should closed.However, some people think zoo can help protect animals Discuss both views and give your own opinion

Animals
Use synonyms
 are one of the important species in the world. Some
communities
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 believe that
zoos
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 are cruel and should be closed while other
communities
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 argue with
this
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 matter and say that
zoos
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 are used to protect the
animals
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. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss both scenarios and
then
Linking Words
 I will give my opinion on
this
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 matter with relevant examples. On the one side, Some
communities
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 believe that
zoos
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 are
places
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 to hurt
animals
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 and they are cruel. Some
zoo
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places
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 are hurting
animals
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 and forcibly keeping them in cages to gain money. And some people who visit
zoos
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also
Linking Words
 hurt the
animals
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 with stones.
For example
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, Some people who visit
zoos
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 when
animals
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 are sleeping try to hurt the
animals
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 to wake them. The
zoo
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 department should take care of
animals
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 when people try to hurt them. On the other side, Some
communities
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 believe that
zoos
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 are
places
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 to protect
animals
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. Some
animals
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 are almost in the
extinction
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process
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.
For example
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, Blue Whales are mammals which are in the
extinction
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process
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 and another good example is, that cheetahs are almost in their
extinction
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process
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 in India. So it is better to protect the
animals
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 which are in the
extinction
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process
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.
Zoos
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 are the sources to protect
animals
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. To sum up, In my ,opinion
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zoo
Fix the agreement mistake
zoos
show examples
 are
places
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 to protect
animals
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 and I support the latter statement. But it is the responsibility of the
zoo
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 department to take care of the
animals
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 which are in the cages and
also
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 the
zoo
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 department should choose
places
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 like
a small forests
Correct the article-noun agreement
a small forest
small forests
show examples
 to leave
animals
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 and enjoy nature.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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