IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

7.Tobacco is a kind of drug. People have been free to use it. Some people think that it should be illegal to use it comparing with other drugs. To what extent do you agree or disagree? What is your opinion?

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Globally for a long time
already
Rephrase
apply
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tobacco
is
Verb problem
has
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mainly
Rephrase
already
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 consumed freely by many
people
Use synonyms
. Since it is a type of drug some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that it should be illegal for usage in comparison to other drugs. In my assumption, as all drugs seriously threaten health
as well as
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 harm the environment cigarettes not exceptionally must be prohibited.
To begin
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 with, lung cancer is the fairly main outcome of smoking, and many
people
Use synonyms
 annually die
as a result
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 of
this
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 issue.
In other words
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, when hazardous elements in a cigarette like nicotine and carbon monoxide are inhaled, they go to the lungs and brain
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then
Correct word choice
and then
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 later transferred to the blood.
As a consequence
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, chemicals start damaging the inner activity of the brain and worsen the quality of blood, which is a serious problem to consider.
In addition
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, not only a smoker
suffers
Correct subject-verb agreement
suffer
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 from smoking but
also
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 surrounding
people
Use synonyms
 get hurt from the elements produced.
For example
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, studies carried out by a group of scientists at Oxford University concluded that smoking a cigarette reduces life expectancy average to 5-7 years, and each year approximately 2.3 million
people
Use synonyms
 worldwide are dying
as a result
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 of the crop. There are many drug types available to the community, so prohibiting all of them is a bit impossible.
Thus
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, the majority hope at least for tobacco to be banned for use freely. It is reasonable since by prohibition of cigarettes government slightly reduces the pressure on medical care. Indeed, medical services cost vast amounts and not all citizens can afford the treatments, so in many ,cases authority has to cover the payments and
this
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 is a big drawback for the budget. If the tendency of banning smoking works properly the saved money may be used for other spheres, and in
this
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 ,way the air pollution would be reduced.
To conclude
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,
due to
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 the given explanations in terms of hazards to the health and environment, I am
strong
Change the word
strongly
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of
Change preposition
against
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 the idea
to ban
Change preposition
of banning
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tobacco.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that relates back to the main idea of the essay. Also, use transition words and phrases to create a smooth flow of ideas throughout the essay.
task response
Carefully read the essay prompt and ensure that all aspects of the topic are addressed in the response. In addition, provide more detailed examples and explanations to fully support each point.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • carcinogenic
  • respiratory diseases
  • healthcare costs
  • tax revenue
  • addiction
  • regulation
  • public health
  • legislation
  • narcotics
  • prohibition
  • personal autonomy
  • social harm
  • economic burden
  • health implications
  • substance abuse
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