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Band 5.5

too much money is spent by individuals and governments on making themself and the areas they live in look beautifull. This is wasteful and it has no useful purpose. Instead, the money should be spent on improving individuals' health. Do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#money #individuals #governments #themself #areas #beautifull #purpose #health
Nowadays, every time you turn on the TV and flick through the pages of a newspaper, you learn about the capital spent by administrators to
fulfil
 their luxurious desires.Many communities believe that cash must be spent on human health.I strongly agree with
this
 idea and in
this
 ,
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
essay I'll support my opinion with examples.
Firstly
, human beings and adults are very concerned about their health. Authority must need to take strict decisions about the quality of
food
. Because most of the persons are surrounded
with
Change preposition
by
show examples
 diseases,
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
 their energy to do work is decreasing day by day.
For Example
, most young people are affected by Diabetes at a young age, because the stuff provided in
food
 is very low quality so governments must need to implement rules and
also
 needs to create a
food
 authority Department to implement checks and balances on
food
.
Secondly
, most adults want to do exercise and yoga in the morning time to become fit. So in
this
 case, parks must be constructed by the administration where people visit and spend their time easily. On the other ,hand there is an argument that governments should not waste local
money
 to make themselves better.Because they are selected by society to
fulfil
 their problems not to spend their
money
 to
fulfil
 their luxurious dreams. In conclusion, I must say necessary steps must be taken by authorities how they can improve the
life
Replace the word
lives
show examples
 of their people better.I believe it's not a good idea to waste
money
 buying beautiful things and think only about themselves.Personally,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 think it's hard to earn
money
 for humans and it must be spent to
fulfil
requirements
Correct article usage
the requirements
show examples
 of a person.
Submitted by abubakarnazir101 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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