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Writing Samples
Band 6

In many countries today, if people want to find work, they have to move away from their friends and their families

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Today the vast majority of
people
Use synonyms
 who want to
work
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 have to leave their homes and leave their friends and relatives. In my opinion,in
this
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 question,
advantages
Correct article usage
the advantages
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 outweigh the disadvantages and
i
Change the capitalization
I
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 am going to prove it. On the one hand, leaving your motherland can give you opportunities to live independently and gain valuable experience,especially when you are a student. Chances like learning a foreign language,deep into other cultures and finding international friends can promote you to achieve success and attain your dreams.
For example
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,many
people
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 from Central Asia move to Russia to
work
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 and learn a foreign language and culture and most of them do that and have good wages and jobs.
Therefore
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, summarising all these factors can bring more benefits than
drawbacks
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.
On the other hand
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,moving abroad has potential
drawbacks
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,
such
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 as apathy,depression and certainly homesickness. These mental issues can lead to less motivation for
work
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, loss your confidence,and thinking of returning to the homeland. Most of the international students,who mixed their study and job faced with these problems,which can provide
drawbacks
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.
However
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, these challenges can test them and help them in the future,where they will solve any problems and will not have any problems with acclimatization.
Hence
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,regardless
these
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of these
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drawbacksthey
Correct your spelling
drawbacks they
 can promote themselves in the future through mistakes that have made now.
To sum up
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, many
people
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 go abroad to
work
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 and
studying
Wrong verb form
study
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 and there are advantages and disadvantages,where
people
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 have the desire to
work
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 hard and attain their goals and be successful in their careers,
however
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,the main drawback
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
mental issues,which can lead to having unsatisfactory outcomes in the
work
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 and desire to come back to home. In my opinion, the benefits outweigh the
drawbacks
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.

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Language Accuracy
Be cautious with grammar and spelling to avoid detracting from the clarity of your argument.
Language Variety
Try to ensure variety in your sentence structures for a more engaging reading experience.
Detailing Arguments
Incorporate more specific examples to illustrate your points fully and enhance your argument's persuasiveness.
Balanced Argument
You have presented a balanced view, successfully discussing both advantages and disadvantages of the issue.
Task Response
Your essay effectively addresses the prompt, providing a clear opinion and reasoned argument throughout.
Logical Structure
The logical structure of your essay, with clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, helps in maintaining coherence and cohesion.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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