IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

The media pay too much attention to the lives and relationships of celebrities such as actors, singers or footballers. They should spend more time reporting the lives of ordinary people instead. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#media #attention #lives #relationships #celebrities #actors #singers #footballers #time #people
Some
people
 think that
media
 should pay more
attention
 to the views of some famous
people
, the
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
 believed that social
media
 should more
care
of
Change preposition
about
show examples
 the
lives
 of ordinary
people
. There are conflicting views about
this
 topic.
This
 essay will discuss my opinion of the argument, followed by
own
Correct pronoun usage
my own
show examples
Correct your spelling
perspective
perspection
Correct your spelling
perspective
. In my point of view, I argue with the
later
Correct your spelling
latter
show examples
. Those who support
media
 should spend
much
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
time
to
Change the verb form
caring
show examples
care
of
Change preposition
about
show examples
 the
life’s
Change noun form
lives
show examples
 of celebrities
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
in order to know more details about
these person
Change the determiner
this person
these people
show examples
 to make their fans happy. Some followers of these superstars
also
 want to understand all primate
lives
 and relationships
of
Change preposition
with
show examples
 their idols rather than
care
 about themselves. Maybe it is a good way for those famous
people
become
Fix the infinitive
to become
show examples
 more popular and
media
Correct article usage
the media
show examples
 could
also
 earn lots of money from these passages.
However
,
this
 action would make
people
 always surround these idols.
As a result
, these fans lose their mind in possible, even don’t
care
 about themselves.
However
, those
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
people
 who support the idea that
media
 should pay too much
attention
 to the
lives
 of ordinary
people
 can justify their opinion.
First
 and foremost, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
citizens
Add an article
the citizens
show examples
 often
care
 about
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
formal
people
’s life.
This
 is
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 excellent way for
people
 to understand
what
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
their daily life in recently.
Secondly
, from these
media
,
administration
Correct article usage
the administration
show examples
 can easily know the need of
local
Correct article usage
the local
show examples
people
.
Furthermore
, the government make some methods to solve problems as quickly
they
Correct word choice
as they
show examples
 can.
Finally
, for senior
people
, the big part of these
people
care
 the news
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
worldwide and some political things rather than
care
the
Change preposition
about the
show examples
 actors,
singer
Fix the agreement mistake
singers
show examples
 and footballs. For a country, the basic is the ordinary
people
instead
 of some famous person. So
that
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
media
 should pay more
attention
 to the
lives
 of ordinary
people
.
This
 is the most
people
 interested in. In my point of view, I suggested that the
media
 pay more
attention
 to the things of normal
people
 than that
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 celebrities.
Submitted by chenyuling430 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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