Some people believe that violence on television and in computer games has a damaging effect on society. Others deny that these have any significant influence on people's behavior? What is your opinion?

#people #violence #television #computer #games #effect #society #influence #behavior

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Telecasting of violent films and video

games

Use synonyms

. could

this

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cause certain damages that could be detrimental to health and community? Meanwhile, some people think that violent

movies

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and computer

games

Use synonyms

have affected the community in a negative way ,why some do not accept

this

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, I totally agree with

this

Linking Words

aforementioned statement.

Firstly

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, the invention of modern devices and displaying of abusive

movies

Use synonyms

on the TV screen has some negative effects.

this

Linking Words

has made a lot of younger ones engage in crimes

such

Linking Words

as stealing, murder and kidnapping to mention but a few.

Furthermore

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, youngsters learn smartly with what they view from either a live stream or Hollywood

movies

Use synonyms

. For ,example a child that gets glued to china

movies

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such

Linking Words

as action

movies

Use synonyms

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

could learn more from

Remove the article

apply

show examples

Correct the article-noun agreement

apply

show examples

such

Linking Words

movies

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and assimilate

Correct pronoun usage

them

show examples

into the brain. Again, people will go into crimes because they were able to see how defence mechanisms can be done through watching different series of action

movies

Use synonyms

this

Linking Words

leads to an

increase

Replace the word

increased

show examples

crime rate in

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

society. Most folks practice what they learnt from their video

games

Use synonyms

indoor

Correct your spelling

indoors

show examples

and sometimes may execute it on their friends.

In addition

Linking Words

, lack of serious learning will be significant among the young ones in school or college.

Secondly

Linking Words

, there would be insecurity problems in the nation because a lot of fun attitudes will be displayed

such

Linking Words

as kidnapping and murder. Notwithstanding, there are other good streams found in

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

television that could help broaden one's knowledge and strengthen their horizons in life. Again , quite a number of people display

movies

Use synonyms

which could be detrimental to health. Celebrity lifestyles known as social media influencers can influence folks at a higher rate thereby leading groups into stealing just to fit into. To sum up, I believe that some abusive

movies

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and computer

games

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have caused more harm than good in respect to folks learning illegal skills

Add the comma(s)

, therefore,

show examples

therefore

Linking Words

increasing the crime rate in society.

Submitted by adaobihedioha12 on Sun Aug 21 2022

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7
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 8.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

321 words

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