Despite a large number of gyms, a sedentary lifestyle is gaining popularity in the contemporary world. What problems are associated with this? What solutions can you suggest?
Nowadays, a sedentary
lifestyle
has increased drastically due to
less physical activity because of technological advancement. This
essay will discuss the main problems that occurred
Wrong verb form
occur
due to
sedentary
Correct article usage
a sedentary
lifestyle
including obesity
, diabetes, high blood pressure, spinal diseases etc. This
essay will also
suggest two main solutions including regular exercise and playing sports
.
Because of sedentary
Correct article usage
a sedentary
lifestyle
physical activity has reduced. Hence
, obesity
and various diseases, for example
, diabetes, high blood pressure, spinal diseases etc. increased globally. The availability of advanced equipment in all fields has reduced human interaction and physical work in Correct article usage
the job
job
which led to Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
above mentioned
Add a hyphen
above-mentioned
health related
concerns. Add a hyphen
health-related
Moreover
, mental illnesses like depression and anxieties
cases came Change the noun form
anxiety
in
Change preposition
into
picture
as a byproduct of Add an article
the picture
a picture
sedentary
Add an article
a sedentary
lifestyle
. A recent study shows that in last
decade cases of Correct article usage
the last
obesity
, blood
pressure, diabetes, spinal disease, Correct word choice
high blood
mental
illness Correct word choice
and mental
has
increased by Correct subject-verb agreement
have
multiples
,
Regular exercise at least four days a week for one hour can be useful to maintain fitness and avoid Fix the agreement mistake
multiple
health
issues. Another solution to avoid health related
Add a hyphen
health-related
problem
is to play Fix the agreement mistake
problems
sports
regularly. There are several sports
for
example, swimming, running, jogging, table tennis, and badminton, which can Add the comma(s)
, for
e
considered to improve physical Correct your spelling
be
health
. For instance
, in Shillong of
South Korea, the government has constructed open gyms in parks and Change preposition
apply
as a result
, people have started exercising and improving their health
.
Inconclusion
, Correct your spelling
In conclusion
this
essay discussed problems occurred
Correct pronoun usage
that occurred
due to
sedentary
Correct article usage
a sedentary
lifestyle
and suggested solution
to overcome Fix the agreement mistake
solutions
obesity
and health
issues including regular exercising and playing some sports
.Submitted by rafikshama on
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task response
The essay partially addresses the task by discussing problems associated with a sedentary lifestyle and providing some solutions. However, it lacks a clear, comprehensive development of ideas and relevant specific examples to support the points. The introduction and conclusion are evident but need improvement in addressing the prompt.
coherence cohesion
The essay exhibits some logical structure and coherence in terms of organizing ideas. However, it lacks a clear progression of ideas and cohesive devices to link the paragraphs. The ideas are presented in a somewhat disjointed manner, which affects the overall coherence and cohesion of the essay.
Your opinion
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