IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people say that what children watch on TV influences their behaviour while others say the amount of time children they spend watching Tv influences their behavior. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Over the past few years, because of the updated technologies, the number of digital media users has increased dramatically. Some people advocate that the content of the video influences the
children
Use synonyms
's
behaviour
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, while others reckon that it is the
time
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 spent on different programmes. At
this
Linking Words
 point of juncture, both these views are analysed in the ensuing paragraphs to air my view that I agree with the former group. On the one hand, the amount of
time
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 spent watching different programmes on different platforms drags
children
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 away from socialising and participating in physical activities, which is the prime reason why some people believe that
time
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 consumed by tv induces more impact on
children
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's
behaviour
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. To explain
further
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, even though
children
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 use their precious
time
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 to watch informative videos or academic-based shows, the longer the duration they invest, the more they get isolated from the real world.
Therefore
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 the socialising abilities gradually fade away over
time
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, which might pave the way to depression and many other psychiatric disorders that deteriorates their mental health as well as their
behaviour
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.
On the other hand
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, the major reason why some people including me believe that the context
children
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 watch has more influence on their
behaviour
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 is that the ideas and the actions shown in the video attract the young mind to a greater extent.
For instance
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, it is an internationally accepted fact that the advertisements for tobacco products in the olden days have influenced a sheer number of
children
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 as well as youngsters in consumption, which is a significant reason for today's rush in
such
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 product sales.
In contrast
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,
such
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 toxic items are widely accepted by the youth primarily because the advertisements mocked them in their childhood that cigarettes are a form of royalty and dignity.
Furthermore
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, in the contemporary era, digital media platforms are providing various series and documentaries which shows crime and cautious scenes without monitoring.
As a result
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, the probability of
children
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 getting addicted to
such
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 filthy activities is on the higher side, which affects their attitude.
Hence
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,
children
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 tend to follow and practice illegal activities by replicating the contests that they have seen on the screen, which not only affects their
behaviour
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 but
also
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 their future. To conclude,
although
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time
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 consumption for tv viewing has detrimental effects, the content plays a substantial role in influencing the young viewer's
behaviour
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 as well as the lifestyle that might completely change their life.

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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