IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Young people who commit crimes should be treated the same as adults by the authorities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #crimes #adults #authorities
Nowadays there is a debate regarding suitable punishments for criminals belonging to the young age group. Some believe that the same type of punishment must be awarded to a person no matter whether he belongs to an old or teenage group. In my opinion, I believe that adolescent criminals ought to be dealt more care and politeness. On the one hand, it is argued that adolescents should be treated in a lenient way because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
usually they are not mature enough to understand the nature of crimes and punishments. Sometimes they show violence without a reason and perform wrong activities only under the influence of media content.
In addition
, expectedly they would live a longer life so they must not spend precious years of life in prison. It is,
therefore
, better for society to implement soft laws for young lawbreakers.
On the other hand
, some opine that harsh sanctions must be given to every offender to spread fear in the community. It is the best way to maintain law and order in society.
For instance
, long custodial sentences, death penalties or life-long imprisonment.
However
, I am convinced that alternative ways of punishing might produce better results. These trials include volunteer work in community centres and rehabilitation programs.
As a result
, those young people may become better society members. In conclusion,
although
 some hold the view that the same methods of giving sentences to every person without considering age should be used to stop violence in a region, I am of the opinion that polite punishments to make young adults understand what they have done wrong is the best way to tackle
this
 issue.
Submitted by farrukh.maqsood on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: