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Band 5

Failure is proof that the desire wasn’t strong enough’ To what extent do you agree with this statement?

#failure #proof #desire #wasn’t #enough’
Failure
prove
Change the verb form
proves
show examples
 that the wish was not powerful enough to achieve the goal.
However
, there is no one who always
obtain
Change the verb form
obtains
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
things
whatever
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
he wants. I totally disagree with
this
 statement because failure depends on everything in
thesedays
Correct your spelling
these days
those days
.
Firstly
, it depends on the situations that can make
people
failed
Wrong verb form
fail
show examples
although
 the desire was too strong to achieve. And
then
, luck plays an important role in everything
such
 as exams, interviews and competitions.
For example
, the interviewer can ask
people
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
simple questions which are not associated with the job that they are applying
when
Change preposition
for when
show examples
 they go for an interview. Even though they prepare perfectly, they cannot answer immediately
Correct your spelling
because
becasue
Correct your spelling
because
 it definitely depends on their destiny.
Moreover
, they can have not only physical but
also
 mental problems when they attempt to obtain
somethinhg
Correct your spelling
something
.
In addition
, they cannot overcome these kinds of problems when they face
unexpectly
Correct your spelling
unexpectedly
unexpected
 because they need a long time to recover themself.
Secondly
, there are lots of
people
 who are corrupt and pay too much attention
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 finance.
Furthermore
, they need to have a big background which can support them according to their positions if
people
 have to communicate
thes
Correct your spelling
these
 kinds of
people
. And
then
, they do not care how competent the person is and how he can be useful for their jobs. The only thing they pay attention
is
Change preposition
to is
show examples
 how much money
people
 can give them to get the higher positions whether the wishes of the
people
 are potent or not. In conclusion, failure cannot prove that the desire is not powerful enough to attain the goal because
people
 need many situations that can help them.
Therefore
, I
obciously
Correct your spelling
obviously
 disagree with
this
 statement for the reasons that I mentioned above.
Submitted by tr.zarwaihnin on

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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