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Band 4

Animals are in danger of extinction .some people say that we should protect only those animals , which are useful to human . Do you agree or disagree

#animals #danger #extinction #people
Nowadays, a number of people agree with
this
 statement that protecting endangered animals is much more crucial than
that
Correct determiner usage
apply
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other ones. I completely disagree with it
due to
 all
the
Correct article usage
apply
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species have the right to live free in their own territory, provided by both
government
Correct article usage
the government
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 and the people. On the one hand , taking care of no longer existing animals
is make
Wrong verb form
makes
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humans feel convenient for hunting the rest of them. Clearly,
this
 discrimination will illustrate a dramatic rise in the perishing of other creatures.
Such
 as thousands of birds , fish, and goats are hunted for either instant happiness or purposely
annual
Change the word
annually
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,
however
, they have the right to live
as well as
 us.
Consequently
,
for keeping
Change preposition
to keep
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 balance in nature ,neither endangered nor other species should be killed.
Instead
 of hunting them , we can educate our children on how can protect
those
Correct pronoun usage
them
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 to keep harmony in nature . On the other hand, destroying living things
make
Verb problem
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is an indication of aggression and violence .
Instead
 of doing
this
ill-treat
Wrong verb form
ill-treated
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 behaviour on the planet , humans have to approach them with care, so as to try to demonstrate their intention is different. we have to bear in
our
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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mind humanity will save mankind .
For instance
, if you intend to save any animal in a particular place your children observe it and keep it in their mind.
Furthermore
 , once they have come across
this
 situation in order to show misbehaving,they imitate you. In conclusion, In spite of the fact that some people's attitudes towards all animals are not the same, all of us have to make a great effort to rescue them. In my opinion , the utilization of animal products has to be forbidden for the short term in order to monitor the results.
Submitted by unalhuseynli2 on

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task
Develop your ideas and provide more specific examples to support your arguments.
coherence
Organize your essay more coherently and use linking words to connect your ideas.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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