IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people believe what children watch on TV influences their behavior. Some say it is the amount of time watching television that influences their behavior. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #children #tv #influences #behavior #say #amount #time #television
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Nowdays
Correct the word
Nowadays
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, it is becoming increasingly common that more people are likely to agree that the programs on
TV
 would
Correct your spelling
affect
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effect
Correct your spelling
affect
show examples
to
Change preposition
apply
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their
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
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.
This
 trend has caused some
controversial
Replace the word
controversy
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, about whether
others
Change noun form
others'
other's
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 support
for
Change preposition
apply
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the amount of
time
 watching is
the reasons
Change to a genitive case
the effect of the reason
show examples
effect
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
children
's
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
. In my opinion, I believe it may give both
effect
Change to a plural noun
effects
show examples
 for some reasons.
First
 of all, it is an indisputable fact that the opinion about
TV
 shows able to
cause
 how
children
act
Fix the infinitive
to act
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 and think in many bad ways. It is a
persuade
Replace the word
persuasive
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 explanation,
for
example
Add the comma(s)
,example
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many
Replace the quantifier
much
show examples
 attention-grabbing
content
Change to a plural noun
contents
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such
 as display of violence, nudity would
led
Change the verb form
lead
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 to
children
's moral code if they parrot or mimic it. Particularly, whether
children
not
Add a missing verb
are not
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approach
Wrong verb form
approached
show examples
to
Change preposition
apply
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sex education in
right
Add an article
the right
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 way or
many
Correct word choice
if many
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 preteen
audience
Change to a plural noun
audiences
show examples
not
Add a missing verb
are not
show examples
 aware
the
Change preposition
of the
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threaten
Replace the word
threat
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 of
this
 that will
cause
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their mental
health
 or other illness if they have sexual abuse.
Moreover
, its convenience is clearly seen that studies prove that a huge of people who rape
children
 used to reckon wrongly
in
Change preposition
about
show examples
 sex education and
effect
Correct article usage
the effect
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in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 watching porn movies
Change preposition
at in
show examples
in
Correct your spelling
an
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 early age.
On the other hand
,
this
 constantly causes some drawbacks
such
 as the amount of
time
 they watched
also
cause
 to their
children
’s
healthy
Replace the word
health
show examples
.
In particular
, spending much
time
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 screen
time
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
will create a sedentary lifestyle for
children
. Whether
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
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teens act with reluctance to
perticipate
Correct your spelling
participate
 in physical activities that will
cause
 bad for their
healthy
Replace the word
health
show examples
.
For example
, since the birth of
Add an article
the smartphone
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smartphone
Fix the agreement mistake
smartphones
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,
smart
Correct word choice
and smart
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TV
 following that the increasing of users led to the rate
in
Change preposition
of
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 wearing
eyeclasses
Correct your spelling
eyeglasses
 raise tremendously. And nowadays, the major of people
wearing
Wrong verb form
wear
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 classes than who non-classes.
Beside
Replace the word
Besides
show examples
 that, the amount of
time
 approach
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
TV
 than
for
Change preposition
on
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 book
also
cause
 to have less awareness in young
children
. A nation,
weakness
Change preposition
with weakness
show examples
 in
heath
Correct your spelling
health
show examples
 and
knowledges
Change the wording
knowledge
pieces of knowledge
bits of knowledge
show examples
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is a
weakness
Replace the word
weak
show examples
 country. In conclusion, the content of
TV
 programs
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
effect
Replace the word
effective
show examples
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
children
's mental
health
 while the
time
 how much they watch
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
effect
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their physical
health
. Both of
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
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brings
Correct subject-verb agreement
bring
show examples
 many negative for us if
it
Add a verb
isit
wasit
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 over-traversing. In my opinion, I opine that the things what we watch more serious due to if we don’t have a
stregnth
Correct your spelling
strength
 spirit and a good
minset
Correct your spelling
mindset
 that it would make our
health
 turn down dramatically.
Submitted by vihoaithichngu on

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • influence behavior
  • imitate actions
  • programming
  • empathy
  • aggressive behavior
  • antisocial behavior
  • excessive television watching
  • physical development
  • contributing to obesity
  • impact academic performance
  • monitoring the content
  • setting reasonable time limits
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