IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

In some cultures, children are encouraged to compete against eachother. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this approach?

#cultures #children #eachother #approach
Many parents in some countries expect their
children
 to act competitively. They encourage them to have abilities in many subjects or activities better than
other
Correct pronoun usage
others
show examples
. Actually, there is
an
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
advantages and disadvantages
from
Change preposition
to
show examples
this
 matter.
Children
 will
be have
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 an intelligence quotient whereas they have not necessarily emotional quotient. For people who stand on the
advantageous
Replace the word
advantage
show examples
,
children
 are an asset that has amazing ability to learn
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
new thing and reach
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fantastic achievement when they give a proper environment. It will enhance their brilliance.
For example
, an infant can swim and a toddler reading easily.
This
 ability
is not achieve
Change the verb form
is not achieved
show examples
 even by adults when they have
not
Correct your spelling
no
show examples
practices
Fix the agreement mistake
practice
show examples
. When
children
 give a new lesson and repetition, it
trusted
Add a missing verb
is trusted
show examples
 to gain more knowledge for them. There
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 some disadvantages
from
Change preposition
to
show examples
 learning early by parents or school
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
children
. Every stage has its developmental. To illustrate, a child below five
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 a golden age period that
work
Change the verb form
works
show examples
 properly if they play naturally. Play is vital
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
children
's life. It can push up their emotional intelligence. If
children
 are forced to learn early, it will decrease their emotional experiences. It will impact
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
somebody
Change noun form
somebody's
show examples
 life rather
that
Correct your spelling
than
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
knowledge.
For instance
, the people that success in the world is not only from the
knowlege
Correct your spelling
knowledge
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but mostly from their good behaviour. To conclude,
children
 are
Add an article
an investment
show examples
investment
Fix the agreement mistake
investments
show examples
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the future world.
Although
 it has advantages to
encourage
Wrong verb form
encouraging
show examples
children
 competitively, the force will impact
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
 behaviour.
The good
Correct article usage
Good
show examples
 behaviour is
an
Remove the article
apply
show examples
emotional intelligence that
more
Add a missing verb
is more
show examples
 important to encouraging by people for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
children
.
Submitted by nora on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: