IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

After being punished, many criminals continue to commit crimes. Why do some people commit crimes even after having been punished? What measures can be taken to tackle this problem.

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A lot of
criminals
Use synonyms
 who were previously convicted of crimes and served judicial punishment are still involved in criminal activities mainly
due to
Linking Words
 a lack of rehabilitation and influence from other
criminals
Use synonyms
 in prison.
This
Linking Words
 issue can be mitigated by providing essential social training in the lock-up
along with
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 regular supervision from government officials.
To begin
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 with,
firstly
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 a lot of
criminals
Use synonyms
 who served a long punishment find it a very difficult task in coping with outsiders.
In addition
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, they are not accepted by society even though they
served
Wrong verb form
serve
show examples
 a long punishment as ordered by the court.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, they are hated and even are a choice of suspicion by high police officials
due to
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 their past criminal records. Eventually, they might again be frustrated leading
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 committing crimes
due to
Linking Words
 a lack of proper guidance.
Similarly
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, many
criminals
Use synonyms
' minds are washed up by fellow mates they meet in jails.
For instance
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, young
criminals
Use synonyms
 who only stay for a short duration may interact with long-term
jail serving
Add a hyphen
jail-serving
show examples
 mob may lead to
repetition
Correct article usage
the repetition
show examples
 of crimes when they are free again. The above problems can only be controlled when
governing
Correct article usage
the governing
show examples
 body is responsible as they must be equally treated as a part of society and proper guidance
along with
Linking Words
 awareness of existing laws and provision of
skills
Use synonyms
, when they are in lockup, must be provided.
Furthermore
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, the government can make regular contact with them and know how they are coping with the new society which is entirely different from the miserable time they spent in prison.
Similarly
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, many prisoners need to be provided with certain
skills
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as painting, construction jobs, or driving
skills
Use synonyms
 so that they can continue their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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.
To conclude
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, human beings might get
out of
Change preposition
off
show examples
 track but these actions are a serious issue and
law formulating
Add a hyphen
law-formulating
show examples
 bodies must be fully committed to minimizing the crimes-related issues. Giving them aid
along with
Linking Words
 certain real-life
skills
Use synonyms
 will help them to lead
right
Correct article usage
the right
show examples
 direction in the future.

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task response
Task Achievement: The essay addresses the prompt but lacks depth in its response. It discusses the reasons for reoffending and suggests measures that could be taken, but does not provide a comprehensive and clear response to the issue. Providing specific examples and elaborating on the proposed measures would improve the task achievement score.
coherence cohesion
Coherence & Cohesion: The logical structure and presence of an introduction and conclusion are appropriate, demonstrating a clear organization of ideas. However, the essay would benefit from further development and connection of ideas between paragraphs. Using linking words and phrases to guide the reader through the arguments would enhance coherence and cohesion.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • rehabilitation
  • reintegration
  • recidivism
  • underlying issues
  • support systems
  • criminal networks
  • peer pressure
  • barriers
  • psychological assessment
  • addiction treatment
  • economic factors
  • sentencing
  • data analysis
  • community-based programs
  • restorative justice
  • vocational training
  • social inequalities
  • preventive measures
  • post-release
  • crime cycle
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