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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that students in school learn better when they studying in group whereas others believe students learn better when they study their own. Discuss both views and give opinion.

Society claims that learning together can bring more benefits to
students
Punctuation problem
students,
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while
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 others say that learning alone is preferable. I think that if someone studies with another person, it will help
him
Correct pronoun usage
them
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 because it can bring mutual benefit by having them take turns in explaining and pushing their
studies
Punctuation problem
studies,
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 as there will be more competitiveness.
This
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 essay will discuss both views and my opinion. On the one hand, learning with two or more students brings two positive impacts on learning.
First,
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as some research shows that humans can understand better when they explain something to other humans, studying in a group
let
Verb problem
allows
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 them
take
Verb problem
to take
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 turns to teach each other.
Moreover
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, they can
also
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 exchange information that may not be received for the first time by the other students.
Second,
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unconsciously,
anyone
Check wording
everyone
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 will compare themselves with others, so
anyone
Check wording
everyone
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 will be under pressure to achieve better. Everyone can check how he performs compared to the average
people
Fix the agreement mistake
person
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 by checking their rank
to
Change preposition
among
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 all.
For example
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, when a boy gets the tenth rank among fifteen
schools mate
Use the right word
schoolmates
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, he will try to study better so he can get a higher rank because of pressure from peers, parents, or himself.
On the other hand
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, studying alone has special advantages that cannot be achieved by studying together.
Firstly
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, because the teacher only focuses on one student, the teacher can make free adjustments
adapting
Wrong verb form
to adapt to
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 his progress. So, smarter children do not need to wait for others who learn
slower
Rephrase
more slowly
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 than
them
Correct pronoun usage
they
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.
Verb problem
do.
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Secondly
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, comparing with
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
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also may
Correct word order
may also
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let
Verb problem
make
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 someone feel insecure, so studying alone avoids any comparison to happen.
Furthermore
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, everyone has different strengths and weaknesses, so it is not fair if people use the same standards to measure. The majority of schools,
for instance
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, have an examination that asks for theories in textbooks, and,
therefore
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, a child who is creative will perform worse than another who can
memorize
Change the spelling
memorise
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 better.
To conclude
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, studying by one person or two
and
Correct word choice
or
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 more people
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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 its own advantages. I prefer studying in the community
due to
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 we can mutually benefit
each
Change preposition
from each
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 other and be more competitive in our studies.

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structure
Plan your answer first. In the intro, say your view and what you will talk about. Put ideas in a clear order.
grammar
Use simple words and correct word form. Some sentences are odd. Check grammar and word choice.
content
Give one clear example for each point. Right now some ideas are general. A real point helps.
content
You show both sides and give your own view.
language
You use 'On the one hand' and 'On the other hand' to show contrast.
structure
There is a clear plan in your writing with an intro, body and conclusion.
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