IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

People should follow the customs and traditions when people start to live in a new country. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #customs #traditions #country
It is sometimes argued that
people
 who dwell in a new
country
 should follow the
customs
 and
traditions
 in
this
country
. I completely with
this
 opinion. There are
some
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
several reasons why
people
 should follow the
customs
 and
traditions
 when migrating to a new
country
.
Firstly
, when
people
 follow it, they can understand and explore the historical origins
Correct pronoun usage
that were
show examples
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
passed down by their forefathers, cultural beauty,
unique
Correct word choice
and unique
show examples
customs
 from which to understand more deeply about the
people
 here .
Secondly
, understand the
people
 here you will be able to make new friends, make new relationships,
help
Correct word choice
and help
show examples
you
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
become integrated into society.
Finally
,
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
following and understanding the
customs
 and
traditions
 of the
country
 can help them to actively participate in community activities.
In
Change preposition
At
show examples
 many festivals,
people
 can participate freely and feel as harmonious as
their
Change preposition
in their
show examples
 own
country
 . Attending festivals helps them accumulate a lot of cultural knowledge to enrich their knowledge.
On the other hand
, immigrants will meet a lot of difficulties when not following the
customs
 and
traditions
 in a new
country
. In doing business, it is always necessary for foreign companies to spend some time researching and learning about the local nature and work to be done before starting
business
Add an article
a business
show examples
 in any other
country
. If you don't follow the
customs
 and
traditions
, it will be difficult for you to
business
Add a missing verb
do business
show examples
.
Furthermore
, if immigrants didn’t behave in accordance with the local norms, they wouldn’t receive
respects
Fix the agreement mistake
respect
show examples
 from local
people
. They do not follow the laws of the
country
,
against
Add a missing verb
are against
show examples
 the law and engage in anti-traditional
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
.
For example
, if you immigrate to the UK and continue to do the same things as in
own
Correct pronoun usage
your own
show examples
country
such
 as playing loud music in the house, disturbing the families, the British will call the police and possibly get into a fight with him . In conclusion,
customs
Correct article usage
the customs
show examples
 and
traditions
 of a
country
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
help immigrants adapt to life , improve
many
Replace the quantifier
much
show examples
new knowledge and
making
Wrong verb form
make
show examples
new relationships.
Submitted by bttha.qn on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: