Young people who commit crimes should be treated in the same way as adults by authorities. To what extent do you agree or disagree? (2015.04.25)

Criminal problems of youngsters are important concerns of

society

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

since the young generations are the future and hope of the nations. Some people think that juvenile delinquents should be treated in the same way as

adults

by authorities; I disagree with it. Admittedly,

government

Add an article

the government

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should give punishments to young offenders. One reason is that they cause as much pain and suffering to their victims as adult offenders,

therefore

, they should be punished for breaking the law and allowing them to reflect

from

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show examples

committing a crime in the prison.

Also

, their illegal activities would pose a threat to

society

such

as theft, robbing and murder. So, sending them to prison can protect the public from them, which would help to ensure social stability and security.

Furthermore

, reforming young

criminals

can reduce the re-offending rate since they can develop useful skills during rehabilitation and prepare for employment in the future.

For instance

, young

criminals

can find jobs and have stable sources of income after having vocational training courses held by governments.

However

, it is not appropriate to treat young law-breakers in the same way as

adults

by governments.

Firstly

, the youth are not mature to understand the consequences of their actions, which means that

the

Change the word

their

show examples

illegal action of them cannot fully constitute the requirements of crime

which

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

adapted

Correct your spelling

adopted

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adults

Additionally

, it is easier for minor

criminals

to go astray by copying what they see and heard from adult prisoners since they would make friends with them and become more violent and dangerous.

This

would not only increase their possibility of re-offending but

also

pose threat to

safety

Add an article

the safety

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society

Furthermore

, it is a more proper way if community services can be added

into

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show examples

the punishments for

criminals

in adolescence since it can help them to develop a sense of responsibility and become law-abiding citizens. In conclusion,

although

juvenile delinquents should be given punishments since they pose a threat to

society

and cause much pain and suffering to their victims, I hold

that

Correct determiner usage

the

show examples

view that they should not

treated

Change the verb form

be treated

treat

show examples

adults

since they are immature and easily influenced by adult offenders.

Submitted by testuya1116 on Thu Aug 25 2022

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Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
10Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

349 words

5.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

7.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Young people who commit crimes should be treated in the same way as adults by authorities. To what extent do you agree or disagree? (2015.04.25)

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Your friend wants to send her/his children to your house for the weekend. write a letter to him/her and say Agree to this arrangement say what time is suitable for you Describe what you are planning to do

sOME PEOPLE SAY hISTORY IS ONE OF THE MOST IMPORTANT SCHOOL SUBJECTS. oTHERS PEOPLE THINK THAT, IN TODAY'S WORLD, SUBJECTS LIKE SCIENCE AND TECHNOLOGY ARE MORE IMPORTANT THAN hISTORY, Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Governments should spend money on railways rather than roads. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement ?

Some people say that the main environmental problem of our time is the loss of particular species of plants and animals. Other say that there are more important environmental problems. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.