Young people who commit crimes should be treated in the same way as adults by authorities. To what extent do you agree or disagree? (2015.04.25)

Criminal problems of youngsters are important concerns of

society

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apply

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since the young generations are the future and hope of the nations. Some people think that juvenile delinquents should be treated in the same way as

adults

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by authorities; I disagree with it. Admittedly,

government

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the government

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should give punishments to young offenders. One reason is that they cause as much pain and suffering to their victims as adult offenders,

therefore

Linking Words

, they should be punished for breaking the law and allowing them to reflect

from

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committing a crime in the prison.

Also

Linking Words

, their illegal activities would pose a threat to

society

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such

Linking Words

as theft, robbing and murder. So, sending them to prison can protect the public from them, which would help to ensure social stability and security.

Furthermore

Linking Words

, reforming young

criminals

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can reduce the re-offending rate since they can develop useful skills during rehabilitation and prepare for employment in the future.

For instance

Linking Words

, young

criminals

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can find jobs and have stable sources of income after having vocational training courses held by governments.

However

Linking Words

, it is not appropriate to treat young law-breakers in the same way as

adults

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by governments.

Firstly

Linking Words

, the youth are not mature to understand the consequences of their actions, which means that

the

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their

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illegal action of them cannot fully constitute the requirements of crime

which

Correct pronoun usage

apply

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adapted

Correct your spelling

adopted

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adults

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Additionally

Linking Words

, it is easier for minor

criminals

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to go astray by copying what they see and heard from adult prisoners since they would make friends with them and become more violent and dangerous.

This

Linking Words

would not only increase their possibility of re-offending but

also

Linking Words

pose threat to

safety

Add an article

the safety

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society

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Furthermore

Linking Words

, it is a more proper way if community services can be added

into

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show examples

the punishments for

criminals

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in adolescence since it can help them to develop a sense of responsibility and become law-abiding citizens. In conclusion,

although

Linking Words

juvenile delinquents should be given punishments since they pose a threat to

society

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and cause much pain and suffering to their victims, I hold

that

Correct determiner usage

the

show examples

view that they should not

treated

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be treated

treat

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adults

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since they are immature and easily influenced by adult offenders.

testuya1116

Aug 25, 2022

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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10
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
10
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

7.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

349 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

juvenile delinquency
rehabilitation
recidivism
diminished responsibility
integrate into society
developmental stage
leniency
deterrence
punitive measures
reformative justice
age-appropriate interventions
rehabilitative approaches
criminal responsibility
sentencing disparity
youth offenders
crime deterrence
legal repercussions
cognitive development
judicial system
offense severity

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Young people who commit crimes should be treated in the same way as adults by authorities. To what extent do you agree or disagree? (2015.04.25)

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

As well as making money, businesses also have social responsibilities. Do you agree or disagree?

In spite of the advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. Why is this the case? What can be done about this problem?

There should only be one government in the world rather than a national government for each country. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

Some people believe that individuals have no power to improve the environment, and only governments and large companies can make a real difference. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?