IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Influence of human being on the world ecosystem is leading to the extinction of species and loss of biodiversity. what are the causes and solutions?

#influence #world #ecosystem #extinction #species #loss #biodiversity
In today's
world
Add a comma
,world
show examples
 the nature of human
being
Fix the agreement mistake
beings
show examples
 has changed to become more focused on consumption. Due to
this
ever increasing
Add a hyphen
ever-increasing
show examples
demand
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 things we are knowingly or unknowingly causing harm to mother nature. The two main causes for
this
 are Increasing
population
 and
exponential
Correct article usage
an exponential
show examples
rise
 in mobile
usage
. I will elaborate
the
Change preposition
on the
show examples
 causes and their solutions below. Due to the
rise
 in
population
, people need houses to live in. To meet
this
 increasing
demand
 many builders are cutting down forests to build homes. Due to
this
 rising
population
Add a comma
,population
show examples
 the
demand
 for goods is increasing and
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 is meeting
this
demand
 by modernising
transportation
Correct article usage
the transportation
show examples
 system by building new roads, many of which are built by
destroting
Correct your spelling
destroying
 the mountains. The
second
 cause is
rise
Add an article
a rise
the rise
show examples
 in
usage
Correct article usage
the usage
show examples
 of mobile phones.
This
 increases the
demand
 for connectivity which leads to
building
Correct article usage
the building
show examples
large
Change preposition
of large
show examples
 connectivity towers. The frequency of these towers is intercepted by birds
especially
Add the comma(s)
,especially
show examples
 sparrows and it causes them various diseases which
then
leads
Correct subject-verb agreement
lead
show examples
 to their death. In the
past
Add a comma
,past
show examples
 we were able to see sparrows
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 our balcony, but nowadays we can hardly notice one sparrow. The solution
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the
population
rise
 can be to control the
population
rise
.
This
poppulation
Correct your spelling
population
 control will benefit us in the coming years. Regarding the current explosion of
population
, we can certainly increase the height of towers to meet the
demand
 and we can carefully select a location to build
new
Add an article
a new
show examples
building
Fix the agreement mistake
buildings
show examples
 where there is minimal harm to nature. For
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
mobile
usage
, we can decrease our
usage
 wherever possible. In
conclusion
Add a comma
,conclusion
show examples
 I would like to say that we as humans should keep a check
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
 our demands so that we
dont
Correct your spelling
don't
 burden
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
natural resources.
Submitted by mimalhar on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: