IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Although some people value public parks, this space could be better used for other purposes such as residential areas for the ever- growing population or to develop business or boost economies. To what extent do you agree with this?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In
this
Linking Words
 modern era, many people believe
to have
Change preposition
in having
show examples
 common parks,
while
Linking Words
 others think that
this
Linking Words
 area can be used for the construction of houses and organisations to boost the economy. I largely agree and personally believe that public space is used to open public lawns for children. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will discuss the same.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, at very first and foremost, a group of individuals respect the public gardens. It is a better place for relaxation and entertainment purposes.
For instance
Linking Words
, kids can spend their evening time with their friends by playing games and doing other activities.
As a result
Linking Words
, children can make new friends and do some physical activities.
Although
Linking Words
,
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
improve
Wrong verb form
improved
show examples
 the constitution of the playground by arranging gym equipment.
However
Linking Words
, dwellers can do some exercises.
Moreover
Linking Words
, public squares are not established for kids even young communities and elders can
also
Linking Words
 do morning walks or yoga to stay fit and healthy.
Hence
Linking Words
, they have no need to pay extra money for gym centres. Moving forward,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
public places
are
Wrong verb form
will be
show examples
places of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
greenhouse
Fix the agreement mistake
greenhouses
show examples
 as more and more trees are planted there which gives fresh air.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some people think that higher authorities provide space to build high buildings and commercial houses.
Firstly
Linking Words
, as the population grow
so
Rephrase
apply
show examples
more departments are required to live there. Even enterprises help to enhance economic conditions in the form of tax.
For example
Linking Words
, construction
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
companies
earns
Correct subject-verb agreement
earn
show examples
 profit by selling their products and giving financial services to the government by paying taxes.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, people can construct
Fix the agreement mistake
parts
show examples
part
Fix the agreement mistake
parts
show examples
 in the back area of Houses.
To conclude
Linking Words
, as the population increased day by day
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
a lot of trees
are
Wrong verb form
were
show examples
 cut to set up apartments which hit air pollution.
Hence
Linking Words
, it can be controlled by public areas like roads, parks, and schools where more trees are planted and banned to cut them. So public parks help most to save the environment
as well as
Linking Words
 to control diseases.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Task Response: The essay partially addresses the question, but there is some deviation from the topic and the position taken is not consistently clear.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: There is some attempt at a logical structure, but the introduction and conclusion are not clearly presented. The essay lacks clear organization and the main points are not well-supported.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: