Although some people value public parks, this space could be better used for other purposes such as residential areas for the ever- growing population or to develop business or boost economies. To what extent do you agree with this?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In
this
modern era, many people believe
to have
Change preposition
in having
show examples
common parks,
while
others think that
this
area can be used for the construction of houses and organisations to boost the economy. I largely agree and personally believe that public space is used to open public lawns for children. In
this
essay, I will discuss the same.
To begin
with, at very first and foremost, a group of individuals respect the public gardens. It is a better place for relaxation and entertainment purposes.
For instance
, kids can spend their evening time with their friends by playing games and doing other activities.
As a result
, children can make new friends and do some physical activities.
Although
,
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
improve
Wrong verb form
improved
show examples
the constitution of the playground by arranging gym equipment.
However
, dwellers can do some exercises.
Moreover
, public squares are not established for kids even young communities and elders can
also
do morning walks or yoga to stay fit and healthy.
Hence
, they have no need to pay extra money for gym centres. Moving forward,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
public places
are
Wrong verb form
will be
show examples
places of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
greenhouse
Fix the agreement mistake
greenhouses
show examples
as more and more trees are planted there which gives fresh air.
On the other hand
, some people think that higher authorities provide space to build high buildings and commercial houses.
Firstly
, as the population grow
so
Rephrase
apply
show examples
more departments are required to live there. Even enterprises help to enhance economic conditions in the form of tax.
For example
, construction
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
companies
earns
Correct subject-verb agreement
earn
show examples
profit by selling their products and giving financial services to the government by paying taxes.
Furthermore
, people can construct
Fix the agreement mistake
parts
show examples
part
Fix the agreement mistake
parts
show examples
in the back area of Houses.
To conclude
, as the population increased day by day
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
a lot of trees
are
Wrong verb form
were
show examples
cut to set up apartments which hit air pollution.
Hence
, it can be controlled by public areas like roads, parks, and schools where more trees are planted and banned to cut them. So public parks help most to save the environment
as well as
to control diseases.
Submitted by meparam1994 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Task Response: The essay partially addresses the question, but there is some deviation from the topic and the position taken is not consistently clear.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: There is some attempt at a logical structure, but the introduction and conclusion are not clearly presented. The essay lacks clear organization and the main points are not well-supported.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: