It is more important for schoolchildren to learn about local history than world history. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people have valued the role of local
history
over that of
world
history
and they suppose nowadays, education should only focus on the
history
of a country rather than the
history
of the
world
. From my perspective, I disagree with those opinions as both of them are equally essential for young learners. Studying the
history
of their locality SHOULD BE for sure an indispensable part of the school's curriculum.
THIS
COULD BE EXPLAINED BY THE FACT THAT I believe having thorough insights into what happened in the past will
instill
Change the spelling
instil
show examples
a sense of PRIDE AND patriotism IN A CHILD .
For example
, children of primary and secondary schools in my city are taught about how their ancestors and former soldiers had sacrificed their lives against lives to against outside intruders and reclaimed sovereignty. HAVING LEARNED
THATTherefore
Correct your spelling
Therefore
, those young children would broaden their horizons about the country, have an appreciation for national heritages and traditions and be willing to contribute and protect the nation when needed.
On the other hand
, learning about
world
history
shares equal importance
just
Rephrase
apply
show examples
as local one. As the
world
has become more open, today’s global citizens should learn more about other countries and regions to assimilate into the global community. Acquiring knowledge about the
world
’s past events equips students with a more well-rounded perspective of life.
For example
, learning about the
World
War or
Feminism
Replace the word
feminist
show examples
protest
Correct subject-verb agreement
protests
show examples
against women’s abuse and discrimination would help those learners enhance their understanding
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
various aspects of the
world
.
Furthermore
, I think being taught about
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
other countries’ historical backgrounds would benefit young learners
about
Change preposition
in
show examples
their future
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
. Students who accumulate knowledge of
this
particular field would have opportunities to work for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
foreign enterprises. In conclusion, I believe the significance of domestic and international can be brought into comparison to see which one is more necessary because they have distinctively equal meanings to children.
Submitted by myngoc3003 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Ensure your essay clearly addresses the prompt and fully develops your points. Your essay should have a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Work on creating smoother transitions between your ideas and connecting your paragraphs more cohesively. Make sure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and supports the overall argument.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • heritage
  • cultural identity
  • ancestry
  • traditions
  • globalization
  • empathy
  • contemporary issues
  • integrate
  • perspective
  • civilization
  • diversity
  • innovations
  • historical significance
  • nationalism
  • cosmopolitanism
  • historiography
  • geopolitical
What to do next:
Look at other essays: