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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

These days many people leave their country to work abroad and take their family with them. Do you think benefits of this outways disadvantages in family developement.

#people #country #work #outways #developement
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Nowadays, a number of citizens migrate from their home country to work abroad and often they take their wives, children, and parents with them.
This
 essay will discuss both positives and negatives of
such
 developments and will express my opinion in summary.
To begin
 with, the primary advantage appears to be the support from their partner.
This
 means
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 a wife can support their husband not only emotionally but
also
 financially.
For instance
, in the recent past, there was a survey that stated that migrants in Canada were way happier with their families than singles.
This
 is a significant result in terms of the development of families.
Secondly
, their child can access a high standard of education.
This
 will be an asset to them in the long run, they can
also
 get job opportunities with a great deal of ease by having an abroad degree, which would beside contribute to family development in the future. Turing to negatives, the main drawback seems to be a work-life imbalance. Meaning that, when wives and children are staying with them in a foreign country, most individuals find it difficult to find a balance between work and family, causing a disturbance in families, resulting in divorce and eventually leading to a broken family. Another challenge can be the cost of living.
This
 means starting life abroad can be expensive, particularly during the initial days, which causes psychological issues
such
 as anxiety, depression, and insomnia
due to
 unmanageable costs.
This
 obviously can create family disturbances. In conclusion,
although
 there are advantages
such
 as support, and standard education for their kids, the challenges
outways
Correct your spelling
outweigh
show examples
 those disadvantages, it can lead a nuclear or extended family to a broken family.
Submitted by denny.mathew66 on

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task achievement
Ensure that your essay consistently ties back to the central question, focusing on whether the benefits outweigh the disadvantages. Provide a clearer stance in the introduction and conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Enhance your use of linking words and phrases to connect ideas more fluently and logically throughout the essay.
task achievement
The essay presents a well-structured argument with clear points under advantages and disadvantages, which supports the task response.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, summarizing the discussed points efficiently.
task achievement
You used examples effectively, such as referring to a survey about migrants in Canada, to illustrate your points.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Bilingualism
  • Cultural immersion
  • Economic opportunities
  • Familial bonds
  • Language acquisition
  • Multilingual
  • Professional growth
  • Social isolation
  • Social status
  • Standard of living
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