IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3

Some countries allow old people to work to any age that they want. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

#countries #people #work #age
Some nations permit their elderly to
work
 as long as they want. In my opinion,
he
Correct your spelling
the
show examples
 government must regulate the maximum working
age
. The essay will analyze both sides of
this
 view before
clarify
Change the verb form
clarifying
show examples
 the conclusion. On the one hand, many argue that old
people
 might works
to
Change preposition
at
show examples
 any
age
 that they want because they have
realistic
Replace the word
real
show examples
 experience and lessons accumulated over a long period, which can be imparted to young
people
.
By
Change preposition
In
show examples
this
 way, new recruits can learn specialized knowledge and accomplish their tasks faster and companies as well as
community
Add an article
the community
show examples
.
Although
 old
people
 have lots of experience and ability, the world is modernizing and those things have not helped much in today's
work
.
Thus
,
this
 makes it hard to support.
On the other hand
, allowing elderly
people
 to
work
to
Change preposition
at
show examples
 any
age
 they want will make the risk of
youth
Correct article usage
the youth
show examples
 unemployment rate higher. The number of graduates who can not find a job is increasing, which is partly due to the longer working
age
.
This
 can be seen that
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
leads to many social problems when they do not have
a
Change the article
the
show examples
 means to earn money. The main reason is that older
worker
Fix the agreement mistake
workers
show examples
refusing
Wrong verb form
refuse
show examples
 to
resire
Correct your spelling
retire
 because they might
dependent
Replace the word
depend
show examples
 on their little pensions.
Thus
, many young
people
 are unemployed. In conclusion,
allow
Wrong verb form
allowing
show examples
 old
people
 to
work
to
Change preposition
at
show examples
 any
age
 they want will put
younger
Correct article usage
the younger
show examples
 in a difficult position, I strongly believe that the government should
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
set a certain working
age
.
Submitted by thaothanh1323 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: