IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many person are opting for several career options as compared to a single career option to earn more money. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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The given bar graphs illustrate the major reasons impelling
students
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 to study in different
age
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 groups and the number of assistants from their employers. Overall, it is clear that the percentage of the reason for studying for career declines as
age
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 increases, whereas that of studying for interest rises as people
age
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.
In addition
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,
students
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 in the
age
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group
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 around 30 to 39 receive the lowest amount of
support
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 from employers. Looking
first
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 at the bar graph of reasons for studying, a decline can be seen in the percentage of the reason for studying for a career, it falls from about 80 per
cent
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 in the
age
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group
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that is
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 under 26 to around 50 per
cent
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 in the
last
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age
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group
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, which is
students
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 that are above 49 years old. As for the reason for studying for interest, the proportion increases from approximately 10 per
cent
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 in the
first
Linking Words
group
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 to 70 per
cent
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 in the
last
Linking Words
group
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. Moving onto the bar graph for the amount of employer
support
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, the number of
support
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 declined from around 65 per
cent
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 in the
first
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age
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group
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 to less than 35 in the
students
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 aged around 30 to 39. While the percentage of the purpose for studying a career keeps dwindling as the
age
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 level increases, the amount of
support
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 grows, increasing to about 46 in the
last
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group
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.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • economic necessity
  • gig economy
  • income diversification
  • personal fulfillment
  • technological advancements
  • digital platforms
  • work-life imbalance
  • stress and burnout
  • wage stagnation
  • rising cost of living
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