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Writing Samples
Band 7

Some parents buy their children a large number of toys to play with. What are the advantages and disadvantages for the child of having a large number of toys?

#parents #children #toys #child
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According to
 some people’s mindset, for a happy childhood, kids should possess as many
toys
 as possible.
While
such
 a way of thinking has some benefits, there are several drawbacks.
This
 essay will examine the benefits and drawbacks of
this
 phenomenon. From an early
ages
Correct the article-noun agreement
age
show examples
, youngsters try to investigate, understand their environment and grasp information from the world around them.
Additionally
, they like to copy the behaviour of adults and create new ideas during games. Obviously for any child
toys
 play a crucial role and are one of the main instruments in evolving. To be more precise, every different kind of toy or doll can give new interesting and creative conceptions of how to play with it.
On the other hand
, children who are surrounded by a lot of trinkets and gadgets can wish to avoid contact with their peers and lack of desire to have friends. One of the reasons can be unwillingness to share their
toys
 with others.
This
 leads to the development of a person as an egoist and individualist who cares only about their needs. The other reason might be that the company of
toys
 is quite enough for them and they start to live an imaginary artificial life. Afterwards at education institutes these children become outsiders.
As a result
, both of these negative manifestations of kids’ behaviour prevent them from creating healthy social connections and communication with society. In conclusion, though there is a point of view by some adults, who think that the large amount of playthings make youths happy and satisfied with life, there are serious drawbacks to these actions. Apart from children’s development. games and
toys
 can keep juveniles away from society and that makes them unhappy in future.
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coherence cohesion
Enhance the logical flow of ideas to improve the overall coherence and cohesion of your essay. For example, more explicit linking phrases and transitions between paragraphs could make your argument clearer.
task achievement
Strengthen the support for your main points with more specific examples. This can provide a clearer and comprehensive picture of your argument.
coherence cohesion
Avoid minor grammatical errors and pay attention to sentence structure to enhance clarity and readability.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are both present and effectively frame the essay.
task achievement
The essay provides a balanced view by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of the topic.
task achievement
Main points are generally clear and relevant to the task.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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