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Band 5.5

the percentage of overweight children in western society has increased by almost 20% in the last ten years. Discuss the causes and effects of this disturbing trend

#percentage #children #society #ten #years #effects #trend
The obesity
Correct article usage
Obesity
show examples
 is getting
general
Correct article usage
a general
show examples
 issue in present days due to
an unhealthy
Remove the article
unhealthy food
a portion of unhealthy food
show examples
food
 and an inactive
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
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life style
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
show examples
 replaced by
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
hanging up on social pages and using smart or cell phones. The number of the overweighted community is going up especially in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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western
society
 because of their most exposure to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fast
food
comparing
Wrong verb form
compared
show examples
 to other parts of the world. Reasons
such
 as a
laiziness
Correct your spelling
laziness
 to cook
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
healthy
food
instead
 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
purchasing
a fast
Remove the article
fast food
a portion of fast food
show examples
food
 and doing
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
 activities lead to negative effects
such
 as a depressed condition or the loss of energy along with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
health
problems
.
Firstly
, the community is getting reluctant to cook at their home place since it takes time and skills to cook the preferred and
well done
Add a hyphen
well-done
show examples
food
.
For instance
 ,
ones
Correct pronoun usage
one
show examples
 will rather leave more time
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 their other
Correct your spelling
activities
activites
Correct your spelling
activities
such
 as watching tv, working , cleaning houses or hanging out with friends
instead
 of making dinner or lunch.
Consequently
, more and more
people
 are getting addicted to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fast
food
 since it is
more cheap
Replace the words
cheaper
show examples
 to buy and
also
 extremely
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
tasty
comparing
Change the form of the verb
compared
show examples
 to other restaurant
food
.
Thus
 ,
this
 leads to the number of individuals in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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getting fat by 20
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
.
In addition
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
 quitting
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
 activities because of using of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
technology and social pages.
For example
 , everyone has
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 cell phone with different applications and social pages , so they all day long watching videos, following other and
posting
Wrong verb form
post
show examples
 their personal posts
instead
 of doing outdoor or indoor sports.
Therefore
, it will definitely get
people
 overweighted.
Next
, these mentioned above reasons cause negative
affects
Correct your spelling
effects
show examples
such
 as a loss of energy or
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
depression and
health
 issues. To illustrate, the
overweighted
Replace the word
overweight
show examples
 population feels overwhelmed and feels insomnia because they eat
an unhealthy
Remove the article
unhealthy food
a portion of unhealthy food
show examples
food
 and
not
Add a missing verb
do not
show examples
doing
Wrong verb form
do
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 sports at all.
Moreover
 ,
overweight
Add a missing verb
being overweight
show examples
also
 leads
people
 to buy new
closet
Fix the agreement mistake
closets
show examples
 since they don't fit
to
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
their old
Fix the agreement mistake
ones
show examples
one
Correct pronoun usage
ones
show examples
 and
a
Change preposition
as a
show examples
consequence they will be frustrated and depressed.
In
addition
Add a comma
,addition
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 changing all closes to new big
sizes
Add a comma
,sizes
show examples
 dresses
leads
Change the verb form
lead
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 to new expenses which is another reason for the dissatisfaction and the disappointment.
Additionally
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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one will feel uncomfortable with their excess weight and as a
consequence
Add a comma
,consequence
show examples
 it causes
health
problems
such
 as heart
problems
.
For instance
 , fat
people
 are not easy for going to work out because of their abundant weight and
this
 leads to various
health
problems
.
Thus
, the overweight causes
depressions
Fix the agreement mistake
depression
show examples
 and
health
 issues
such
 as
an
Change the article
apply
show examples
insomnia, the self - dissatisfaction and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
heart attack. To finalise, in
Correct your spelling
today's
todays
Change to a genitive case
today's
show examples
 world
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fast
food
 and inactive
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
 activities are
main
Correct article usage
the main
show examples
 factors of obesity.
This
 leads to
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 unhealthy and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
frustrated community. If
people
 continue to apply
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
unhealthy
food
instead
 of cooking healthy
food
 and not
doing
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
work out;it will bring out
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 high number of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
lazy and weak
society
 in the future.
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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • overweight
  • obesity
  • caloric intake
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • screen time
  • physical education
  • nutritious
  • psychological well-being
  • self-esteem
  • socioeconomic
  • healthcare system
  • life expectancy
  • obesity-related complications
What to do next:
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