IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

An increasing number of professionals, such as doctors and teachers are leaving their own poorer countries to work in developed countries. Why is this so?What solutions can you suggest to deal with this ?

#professionals #doctors #teachers #countries #work
In recent times, there is an
increase
Change the verb form
increased
show examples
rate
 of migration of professionals like doctors and teachers from their own undeveloped
country
Fix the agreement mistake
countries
show examples
 to
well structured
Add a hyphen
well-structured
show examples
countries
 for the purpose of
work
.
This
 can be attributed to several reasons
although
 the quick action of the government and private organizations could come in handy
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
solving
Change the form of the verb
solve
show examples
this
 issue of concern.
To begin
, several reasons
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 been associated with
migration
Correct article usage
the migration
show examples
 of white-collar
workers
 from poor
countries
 to
affluent
Add an article
the affluent
show examples
 territory.
Firstly
, inadequate staffing system
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
Add an article
the employee
an employee
show examples
employee
Fix the agreement mistake
employees
show examples
.
In other words
, being underpaid for the job role they perform,
on the other
hand
Add a comma
,hand
show examples
 the host
countries
promises
Correct subject-verb agreement
promise
show examples
 good value for their
workers
 and
also
 ensure they
work
 in a conducive environment which promotes
utilization
Add an article
the utilization
show examples
 of their skills.
Also
Add a comma
,Also
show examples
 the presence of modernized
equipments
Change the wording
equipment
types of equipment
pieces of equipment
show examples
 in
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 developed
countries
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 needed tools to make
work
 easy. Notwithstanding the challenges of
Add an article
an
the
show examples
increasing number of doctors and teachers leaving
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
developed
countries
, the Government could play a major role by providing adequate payments that will motivate these
workers
 to stay back.
In
addition
Add a comma
,addition
show examples
 non Governmental organizations can
also
 assist the
Correct your spelling
workplaces
show examples
work places
Correct your spelling
workplaces
show examples
 with
equipments
Change the wording
equipment
types of equipment
pieces of equipment
show examples
 that
makes
Change the verb form
make
show examples
work
 easy, less harmful and stressful.
This
 will in turn stimulate the staff to stay back and continue to
work
 in that facility,
also
 providing
equipments
Change the wording
equipment
types of equipment
pieces of equipment
show examples
 can reduce the
rate
 at which scholars travel to developed
countries
 for better education. All
this
Change the determiner
these
show examples
 things mentioned above when implemented will drastically reduce the
rate
 of migration to other
countries
 for greener pastures. In conclusion, providing necessary
equipments
Change the wording
equipment
types of equipment
pieces of equipment
show examples
 that will make the working environment conducive will stimulate the
workers
 and in
turn
Add a comma
,turn
show examples
 reduce the
rate
 at which these professionals relocate to other
countries
. Government should
also
 restructure the payment plan of these professionals,
increase
Correct word choice
and increase
show examples
 their salaries to an acceptable minimum,
this
 will help a great way by reducing the number of
workers
 that would want to relocate
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
a better and promising
Correct the article-noun agreement
better and promising countries
a better and promising country
show examples
countries
.
Submitted by alaboemmanuel20 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: