IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Recent years, the number of crimes committed by young people in major cities throughout the world is increasing. Discuss this issue. Give reasons and suggest some solutions.

#years #crimes #people #cities #world
İt is considered by some
people
 that the number of crimes committed by young
people
 in
mainly
Change the adverb
main
show examples
cities throughout the world is increasing. I completely agree with
opinion
Add an article
the opinion
show examples
 because the
crime
 proportion
of
Change preposition
among
show examples
 young
people
 displayed
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
increase
Replace the word
increased
show examples
 due to
development
Correct article usage
the development
show examples
 of
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
 together .
Governments
Correct your spelling
struggle
sturglle
Correct your spelling
struggle
 with these problems and they can handle
if
Correct pronoun usage
them if
show examples
 they will execute some solutions
such
 as
set
Wrong verb form
setting
show examples
 up
conversations
 about
crime
 or decrease the prices of beneficial activities
Firstly
 ,
Correct your spelling
everything
everthing
Correct your spelling
everything
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
an
Remove the article
apply
show examples
include
Wrong verb form
including
show examples
 of internet
Correct your spelling
such
uch
Correct your spelling
such
 as phones , computers have been changing and developing
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the earth .
Thus
 , the
use
 of phones or
computers'
Change noun form
computers
show examples
use
 is becoming essential for us . But
on the other hand
 , undoubtedly , there are many bad
things
of
Change preposition
about
show examples
 technology like the application that affect badly young
people
 . Because there are many bad
things
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
 and a young boy
Correct your spelling
continuously
continuosly
Correct your spelling
continuously
 sees new
things
 while he uses
him
Change the pronoun
his
show examples
 phone .
For instance
 , a young boy is seeing an accident while he is using
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
him
Change the pronoun
his
show examples
 phone ,
seeing
Wrong verb form
sees
show examples
Correct article usage
a
show examples
murder video or
seeing
Wrong verb form
sees
show examples
smoke
Replace the word
smoking
show examples
 cigarettes and
thus
 , he is beginning to
use
 bad
things
 due to videos and afterwards , unfortunately,
Correct article usage
the
show examples
crime
 commit rate display an increase . Another point to consider is that
governments
 can
rescue
 these
Correct your spelling
children
childrens
Correct your spelling
children
show examples
. I mean , there are a few solutions for
rescue
 from these problems .
Governments
 can set up
conversations
 in schools and bad
things
 can tell in
conversations
 or they can decline the price of beneficial
Correct your spelling
activities
activites
Correct your spelling
activities
 like travelling or
watch
Wrong verb form
watching
show examples
 a
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
 game .
Thus
 , many young
people
 that committed
Add an article
a crime
the crime
show examples
crime
Fix the agreement mistake
crimes
show examples
can
rescue
 .
For instance
, the life of a child changed in
an
Change the article
the
show examples
 best way thanks to
him
Correct pronoun usage
his
show examples
 teachers and conversation which has been . İn conclusion , unfortunately , the
crime
 commit rate is still increasing and many young
people
 have become
a
Change the article
apply
show examples
guilty . we can
rescue
 from these problems if parents will prevent their
use
Change preposition
of phone
show examples
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
 or
governments
Correct word choice
if governments
show examples
 will set up
conversations
 about bad habits and guilties.
Submitted by atescagdas826 on

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