IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Recent years, the number of crimes committed by young people in major cities throughout the world is increasing. Discuss this issue. Give reasons and suggest some solutions.

#years #crimes #people #cities #world
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İt is considered by some
people
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 that the number of crimes committed by young
people
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 in
mainly
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main
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cities throughout the world is increasing. I completely agree with
opinion
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the opinion
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 because the
crime
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 proportion
of
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among
show examples
 young
people
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 displayed
an
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apply
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increase
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increased
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 due to
development
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the development
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 of
internet
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the internet
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 together .
Governments
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struggle
sturglle
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struggle
 with these problems and they can handle
if
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them if
show examples
 they will execute some solutions
such
Linking Words
 as
set
Wrong verb form
setting
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 up
conversations
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 about
crime
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 or decrease the prices of beneficial activities
Firstly
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 ,
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everything
everthing
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everything
are
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is
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an
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apply
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include
Wrong verb form
including
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 of internet
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such
uch
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such
 as phones , computers have been changing and developing
in
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on
show examples
 the earth .
Thus
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 , the
use
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 of phones or
computers'
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computers
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use
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 is becoming essential for us . But
on the other hand
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 , undoubtedly , there are many bad
things
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of
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about
show examples
 technology like the application that affect badly young
people
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 . Because there are many bad
things
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in
Change preposition
on
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internet
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the internet
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 and a young boy
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continuously
continuosly
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continuously
 sees new
things
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 while he uses
him
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his
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 phone .
For instance
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 , a young boy is seeing an accident while he is using
with
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apply
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him
Change the pronoun
his
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 phone ,
seeing
Wrong verb form
sees
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Correct article usage
a
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murder video or
seeing
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sees
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smoke
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smoking
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 cigarettes and
thus
Linking Words
 , he is beginning to
use
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 bad
things
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 due to videos and afterwards , unfortunately,
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the
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crime
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 commit rate display an increase . Another point to consider is that
governments
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 can
rescue
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 these
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children
childrens
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children
show examples
. I mean , there are a few solutions for
rescue
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 from these problems .
Governments
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 can set up
conversations
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 in schools and bad
things
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 can tell in
conversations
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 or they can decline the price of beneficial
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activities
activites
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activities
 like travelling or
watch
Wrong verb form
watching
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 a
sport
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sports
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 game .
Thus
Linking Words
 , many young
people
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 that committed
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Add an article
a crime
the crime
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crime
Fix the agreement mistake
crimes
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can
rescue
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 .
For instance
Linking Words
, the life of a child changed in
an
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the
show examples
 best way thanks to
him
Correct pronoun usage
his
show examples
 teachers and conversation which has been . İn conclusion , unfortunately , the
crime
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 commit rate is still increasing and many young
people
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 have become
a
Change the article
apply
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guilty . we can
rescue
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 from these problems if parents will prevent their
use
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Change preposition
of phone
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phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
 or
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governments
Correct word choice
if governments
show examples
 will set up
conversations
Use synonyms
 about bad habits and guilties.
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