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Band 4.5

Many students find it difficult to focus or pay attention at school nowadays. What are the reason for this? What can be done to solve the problem.

#students #focus #attention #school #reason
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Undoubtedly, education is crucial for the
overall
 development of humanity.
However
, the academy provides an atmosphere for learners in the simplest way but the new generation is unable to concentrate at school.
This
 essay will reticulate some of its problems and propose some possible solutions to alleviate
this
.
Firstly
, the modern Era is of educated people; so education is considered the chief concern among parents
as well as
 the government. The scarcity of education leads to unemployment and reduces the growth of the nation
to
Change preposition
by
show examples
 a huge proportion. Youngsters, who are the future of any country, need to be educated for betterment. They are not able to focus on their studies at institutions because of the old teaching methods.
for example
, in India majority of states are in a developing situation and lack advanced facilities in all aspects; one of them is the old teaching method of reading books again and again
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
only
theoretical
Change preposition
in theoretical
show examples
 way. old fashion brings Monotony to recruitment.
furthermore
, mostly in
all
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
schools in India still use an old method of teaching "beat and teach". Lack of confidence among students feels anxiety to attend the institution. To tackle
this
 issue and create enthusiasm in toddlers, modernisation in teaching is necessary and it will arouse the productivity of students and teachers as well. Not only the corporate sector but
also
 the regime should provide an exotic experience with up-to-date technology.
To conclude
, modern learning and teaching methods are alluring and appealing which creates zeal between learners and teachers and
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
 to reduce the dilemma
to focus
Change preposition
of focusing
show examples
 on studies.
Submitted by manrajsandhu96 on

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Overall structure and clarity need improvement. Task response is mostly complete with some room for improvement in providing relevant specific examples.
The overall structure of the essay is logical, but there are some issues with coherence and cohesion. The introduction and conclusion are present but need improvement in terms of clarity. The main points are supported, but the essay lacks clear comprehensive ideas and examples. The response to the task is complete, but it would benefit from more relevant specific examples.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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