These days many families move abrod for work. Some people believe that this benefits the children in these families. Other believe that it makes their lives more difficult. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

In today’s globalized world, many families move abroad for work. Some believe that
this
benefits the
children
in these families,
while
others think it makes their lives more difficult.
This
essay will discuss both views and provide my own opinion. On
one
Correct article usage
the one
show examples
hand, moving abroad can offer great benefits to
children
. They get the chance to experience new cultures, languages, and customs.
This
exposure can help them become more open-minded and adaptable.
For example
,
children
who live in different countries often become fluent in multiple languages, which can be an advantage in their future careers.
Additionally
, they learn to make friends with people from different backgrounds, which can improve their social skills and help them become more confident.
On the other hand
, some people argue that moving to a new country can be hard for
children
. It often means leaving behind friends, family, and a familiar environment.
This
can make
children
feel lonely or isolated, especially if they struggle to adapt to a new culture or language.
For instance
,
children
may have difficulties adjusting to a different school system or making new friends. These challenges can lead to stress and anxiety, which might affect their
overall
happiness. In my opinion,
while
moving abroad can be challenging for
children
, the benefits outweigh the difficulties. The opportunity to experience new cultures, learn new languages, and develop a global perspective will serve them well in the future. In conclusion, moving abroad has both advantages and challenges for
children
, but I believe the positive aspects help them grow and succeed in the long term.
Submitted by hebadyala on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
While your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, you could strengthen your arguments by providing more concrete examples and expanding on them.
coherence cohesion
To improve logical structure, ensure that each paragraph smoothly transitions to the next, maintaining a seamless flow of ideas.
introduction conclusion
The introduction clearly sets up the topic, and the conclusion effectively summarizes your viewpoint.
logical structure
Your essay is well-organized; each paragraph focuses on a single point making it easy to follow.
supported main points
You provided relevant examples that are directly connected to the points you are making.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: