IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people who have been in prison become good citizens later, and it is often argued that these are the best people to talk to teenagers about the dangers of committing a crime. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #prison #citizens #teenagers #dangers #crime
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It is definitely true that ex-convicts can be beneficial
people
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 in the future. I completely agree with
this
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 statement that these types of
people
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 can have a chance to share their experiences with the juveniles in the societies and avoid them from committing
crimes
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.
To begin
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, in my opinion, the governments must adjust different measures to prevent young
aged
Correct word choice
apply
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people
Use synonyms
 from breaking the law in the future years.
Moreover
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, most
teenagers
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 like to give advice to
people
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 who have experience in various fields.
Also
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, the methods of living of the delinquents in the past in society and prison can be intriguing for
teenagers
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. I imagine that authorities can start to
aware
Add a missing verb
be aware
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 of
teenagers
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 by permitting former prisoners to provide their mindset to students in the schools.
It is clear that
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mentioned
Correct article usage
the mentioned
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 attempts will have significant impacts on decreasing the crime rate. On the other side, family members play a crucial role in
this
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 serious issue.
Firstly
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, they must know that talking about
crimes
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 and illegals in the atmosphere of a private home doesn’t have much influence on adolescents. The most important reason for
this
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 resistance is that boys and girls like to experience everything in their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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 even unauthorized actions.
Secondly
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, they must give
chance
Correct article usage
a chance
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 to some ex-offenders and trust them to talk with their children to stop them from inquiring about extralegal work.
For instance
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, the experiences of a cyber-criminal and the consequences of his or her actions can be impressive to children to
exclude
Verb problem
avoid
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 committing these forms of
crimes
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.
Finally
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, it can be said that other solutions rather than
mentioned
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the mentioned
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 methods
such
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 as providing related films don’t give opportunities
to
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for
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teenagers
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 to interact and ask questions. In conclusion, I fully agree with giving opportunities to ex-prisoners who have repented of their
crimes
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 to talk about their experiences with young
people
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 in families and
education
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educational
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 atmospheres. I am absolutely sure that
this
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 work deters
teenagers
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 from committing
crimes
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.
Submitted by sshadkani on

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coherence cohesion
Improve the structure of the essay by organizing ideas in a more logical sequence.
task achievement
Address all parts of the task more thoroughly, providing more comprehensive responses and relevant examples.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • prisoners
  • rehabilitation
  • recidivism
  • consequences
  • insights
  • deterrent
  • guidance
  • support
  • role models
  • positive change
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