IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

An increasing number of people are buying what they need online. What are the advantages and disadvantages for both individual and companies shopping online .

#people #companies
The figures comparing how much the expatriates spent for (a) the
cost
 of living in
Hong
Kong
 and (other seven) six other cities in 2000 and 2001 are given in the bar chart,
while
 the pie chart provides information
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
 areas of spending for expatriate families.
Overall
, it can be seen that the
cost
 of living in Tokyo compared to
Hong
Kong
 is the most expensive in both time periods, (compared to the other six cities) and housing is the highest expenditure.
To begin
 with the cities that have
higher
Add an article
a higher
show examples
cost
 of living than
Hong
Kong
, in 2000, the
cost
 of living in Tokyo was almost 100% higher compared to
Hong
Kong
,
then
 the number dropped dramatically by around 30% in the following year,
whereas
 New York and London started from around 20% and
then
 increased slight (increased) by around 5% for New York and less than 3% for London in the next year. Moving on to Singapore, Shanghai,
Taipei
Correct word choice
and Taipei
show examples
 which have the lower living expenses, in Singapore living expenses remained stable in both time periods, which was lower than
Hong
Change preposition
in Hong
show examples
Kong
 by approximately 10%. Living expenses in Shanghai were cheaper by around 20% in 2000 and increased by approximately 5% in the following year, Taipei,
on the other hand
, was 10% lower in 2001 and dropped by around 5% at the end. Turning to the pie chart, the largest proportion that the expatriates and
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
show examples
 spent was housing at 34%,
while
 alcohol and tobacco had the smallest proportion at 4%, the remaining categories ranged from 5% for misc. to 15% for transport.
Submitted by firth.maneesuksri on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: