IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

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Many believe that food
products
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 containing an unhealthy amount of
sugar
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 should have their price raised to discourage
people
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 from consuming a lot of
sugar
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. In my opinion, I think that
this
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 move is crucial to the betterment of
people
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's well-being, and it should be implemented.
To begin
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 with, increasing the cost of sugary
products
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 would lead to a decline in the consumption of these
products
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, and
as a result
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,
people
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 will have fewer
health
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 problems.
This
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 solution has been implemented for many other harmful
products
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, and there is no reason why unhealthy food and drink should be an exception.
For example
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, cigarettes and tobacco have had a tremendous amount of taxes put on them, making them much more expensive than they used to be, and
this
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 has decreased the number of
people
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 using them substantially.
As a result
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, the number of cases reported regarding lung diseases has declined greatly, resulting in an improvement in the well-being of the community as a whole.
Therefore
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, it is without a doubt that the same solution should be applied to the case of sugary
products
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.
In addition
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 to that, making these
products
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 more expensive will lead to
people
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 paying more
attention
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 to their daily
sugar
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 intake. Most
people
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 are not aware of the presence of high levels of
sugar
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 in these
products
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, and raising the price will make
people
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 pay more
attention
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 to
this
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 problem, as well as the amount of
sugar
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 that they consume on a daily basis.
Consequently
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,
people
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 will pay more
attention
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 to their
health
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, making them vulnerable to fewer
health
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 problems. In conclusion, I believe that sugary
products
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 are detrimental to one's well-being, and should be made more expensive.
This
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 will not only discourage
people
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 from consuming
such
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products
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 but
also
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 make
people
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 pay more
attention
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 to their
health
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, which leads to a society with more healthy individuals.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • health problems
  • manufactured food and drink products
  • sugary products
  • excessive sugar consumption
  • discourage
  • promote
  • healthier choices
  • reduce
  • increased taxes
  • fund
  • health education
  • prevention programs
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