IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Professional workers like doctors, nurses and teachers make a greater contribution to society and so should be paid more than sports and entertainment personalities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#workers #doctors #nurses #teachers #contribution #society #sports #entertainment #personalities
It is the truth that the two industries which are entertainment and health and education are so conflicting that it is so hard to tell the salary that the workers of each industry should earn. But according to me,
people
 should get paid based on their attitude and contribution.
Thus
, I totally disagree with
this
 statement I strongly argue that
because
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
both sides should be paid equally. It is understandable why
people
 want professional workers to be paid higher. They
work
 so hard to make the world a better place.
For example
, teachers educate generations of students and doctors
work
 day and night in the hospital to look after sick
people
.
Furthermore
, some of them have to deal with
work
 that requires high responsibility. For
instant
Add an article
an instant
show examples
, doctors and nurses have to deal with
people
's
life
Replace the word
lives
show examples
 every day. A little mistake and there could be bad consequences.
However
, it might be unfair to underestimate the contribution of sports and entertainment personalities. Even though their
work
 may
seems
Change the verb form
seem
show examples
 to be easier than their opposing industry
worker's
Change noun form
workers
show examples
, we cannot deny that their
work
 means so much to us and they make our day more fun and entertaining. It is the truth that in the evening, we feel so
relaxing
Replace the word
relaxed
show examples
 when watching a singing show or a badminton competition. In conclusion, both
side's
Fix the agreement mistake
sides'
show examples
work
provide
Change the verb form
provides
show examples
 different benefits to us. Even though some may think that the
Correct your spelling
professional's
proffesional's
Correct your spelling
professional's
work
 may be more complicated and demanding, I still think all
people
 are working hard to make our world a better place and our life more
colorful
Change the spelling
colourful
show examples
 so they should all get paid equally.
Submitted by minhlieu.hnd on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: