IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think children should obey the rules their parents and teachers set and listen to them, but others think less control will help children to deal with their future adult life. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #children #rules #parents #teachers #control #future #adult #life
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Some people believe that
rules
Use synonyms
 and
regulations
Use synonyms
 set by teachers and parents have
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
great importance in the
life
Use synonyms
 of
children
Use synonyms
 and others think differently ,when
children
Use synonyms
 have less control, they can deal better in their future adult
life
Use synonyms
. In
this
Linking Words
essay
Add a comma
,essay
show examples
 we will elaborate
further
Linking Words
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the two
mindset
Change to a plural noun
mindsets
show examples
 of raising
children
Use synonyms
 with
rules
Use synonyms
 and without
rules
Use synonyms
. I strongly believe that setting
rules
Use synonyms
 with
children
Use synonyms
 definitely contributes
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
disciplinating
Correct your spelling
disciplining
 them,
Linking Words
furthermore
Add a comma
,furthermore
show examples
 they know how to behave in society and are aware of dangers.
For example
Linking Words
, if a
child
Use synonyms
 is taught that a knife is dangerous to play
, there
Change preposition
with, there
show examples
 is less risk that
this
Linking Words
child
Use synonyms
 is injured. Whereas if a
child
Use synonyms
 has liberty and no pressure, he thinks that he can do anything he wants. I believe that from the age gap from zero to eleven years old,
rules
Use synonyms
 and
regulations
Use synonyms
 have an important place in the
life
Use synonyms
 of a
child
Use synonyms
..
Replace the punctuation
.
...
show examples
 Gradually, when the
child
Use synonyms
 grows up and
turn
Correct subject-verb agreement
turns
show examples
to
Change preposition
into
show examples
 a teenager, he has already embedded the culture of discipline and he has his own judging about what is good and wrong. So
rules
Use synonyms
 and
regulations
Use synonyms
 should be taken up with a different aspect as
children
Use synonyms
grows
Change the verb form
grow
show examples
 into an adult. When analysing
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
society with
children
Use synonyms
 who have grown up with
rules
Use synonyms
, they are more discipline in all aspects, waking up early, they know at what time they should watch TV, study and rest. Whereas
children
Use synonyms
 who
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
are left with little control have the tendency to misbehave. Having grown up with
rules
Use synonyms
 and
regulations
Use synonyms
, I strongly believe they are crucial in a
child
Use synonyms
's
life
Use synonyms
 and upbringing. I am completely against letting a
child
Use synonyms
 with less control as facts have shown that
children
Use synonyms
 who are less disciplined have the tendency to turn
in
Change preposition
into
show examples
 delinquent and misbehave in society.
Submitted by amandachokupermal on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: