IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people believe that unpaid community activity service should be a compulsory part of high school programs (for example working for a charity, improving neighborhood or teaching sports to younger children.) To what extent do you agree or degree?

#people #community #activity #service #part #school #programs #charity #neighborhood #sports #children
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Community
Use synonyms
 service,
such
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 as working for a charity, improving neighbourhoods, and teaching sports to younger children, among others., has always been a great way to teach younger people how important is
society
Use synonyms
. In the same way,
consequently
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,
this
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 essential task is promoted in many developed places,
such
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 as the United States, Japan, and South Corea, among many others. In the following text, we are going to assess whether making
community
Use synonyms
 service compulsory and unpaid for high school people would be positive or,
otherwise
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, negative for
society
Use synonyms
.
First
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, on the one hand, we should agree with the fact that doing
community
Use synonyms
 activities is always positive and essential anywhere. It is good because of many reasons, which are so countless that would not fit in
this
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 text.
Thus
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,
this
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 type of work is necessary for any people's land because it sure helps to create taking care thought for our own stuff.
On the other hand
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, we must realize the fact that there are not numerous teenagers that enjoy doing obligatory
community
Use synonyms
 service.
Therefore
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, we can agree that it is better to do it voluntarily (and not compulsorily) because if the work is done through obligation, teenagers will not reach care for
society
Use synonyms
, but
ithate
Correct your spelling
that
it hate
. To conclude, we should agree with the fact that even though the youngers do not wish to collaborate, we, as a
society
Use synonyms
, must promote their participation in those types of unpaid work as long as it is taken as a hobby and not as a compulsory activity. It must be elaborated in that way because if
this
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 labour is done compulsorily without giving them explications, the youngers could get angry and hate the system.
Submitted by l.ferreyross on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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