IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Nowadays, more people are choosing to socialize online rather than face to face. Is it a positive or negative development?

#people #face #development
It is true that socializing online is the most popular way of communication these days, and the number of
people
 who prefer to go out and talk in person is decreasing dramatically. In my opinion,
this
 is definitely a negative trend which can easily lead to different problems like isolation, depression,
sometimes
Correct word choice
and sometimes
show examples
 even
suicides
Fix the agreement mistake
suicide
show examples
. The main drawback that can arise from
people
 socializing online is that it can lead to isolation. Before the Internet,
people
 went out way more than nowadays, they met each other in cafes, bars or various restaurants to share that cheerful,
relax
Wrong verb form
relaxed
show examples
 ambient, now they prefer to stay at home, to order food and while watching Netflix they chat with somebody in WhatsApp, telegram or
snapchat
Change the capitalization
Snapchat
show examples
. To my
mind
Add a comma
,mind
show examples
this
 kind of isolation is not healthy and can create depression, lead to self-hate,
sever
Correct your spelling
severe
show examples
 anxiety and in some cases even make
people
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
commit suicide. It happens because one of the greatest
human’s
Change noun form
human
show examples
 fear,
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 is pretty difficult to handle is being lonely. Another issue is that meeting
people
 online can be risky. You never know
who
Change the pronoun
whom
show examples
 you are chatting with. There are many famous cases when prisons use dating sites
for example
 to meet single ladies, trying to involve them
into
Change preposition
in
show examples
 different criminal actions. All these types of situations lead to dangerous things.
In addition
, as
this
 interaction is online, parents have no way of monitoring It and protecting their children.
Finally
, youngsters,
teenagers
Correct word choice
and teenagers
show examples
 sometimes have to handle difficulties later in their life as some misleading conversations or provocative photos can easily reappear. Young
people
 should be very careful with what they are posting online. As they say: “what is put online can remain there forever” and anyone who wants to do some damage to your personal life or career can use those pictures just to discredit you.
On the other hand
, there are some positive things about it.
For instance
, if
people
 live far away from their families, in other countries, they can always stay in touch with their beloved ones. They can make
Correct your spelling
video calls
show examples
videocalls
Correct your spelling
video calls
show examples
 and be “present”
on
Change preposition
at
show examples
 some important events like birthdays,
anniversary
Fix the agreement mistake
anniversaries
show examples
, graduation or even
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
Change noun form
child's
show examples
child birth
Correct your spelling
childbirth
show examples
, which is really great! In conclusion,
although
 it has become incredibly popular to socialize through
internet
Add an article
the internet
show examples
, it has brought too many problems to
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
mankind to be considered
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a positive trend.
Submitted by riveraeka55 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: