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Band 4.5

Many people are working longer and longer hours. What are the reasons and effects?

#people #hours #effects
INTRO .
PARAFRASI
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PARAPHRASE
  It is reasonable to assume that
in
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apply
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nowadays
people
 use to
spent
Change the form of the verb
spend
show examples
 much more time working than
never
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ever
show examples
 before. Let's
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analyze
analize
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analyse
 the main reasons and effects of
this
 trend in the
next
 sentences.   Undoubtedly work is an important value
in
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apply
show examples
these days.
Firstly
, the main reason
of
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for
show examples
this
 statement is the development of social networks,
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 lead
people
 to show online just the best part of their
life
such
 as job
position
Fix the agreement mistake
positions
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, dream
house
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houses
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 and luxury
lifestyle
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lifestyles
show examples
. Looking in
details
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detail
show examples
 the storytelling is:
the
Correct word choice
that the
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 most you earn at your job,the most
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successful
successfull
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successful
 you are.
Secondly
, the improvement of online jobs
lead
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leads
show examples
people
 to work all day long.
For instance
 jobs like
online
Add an article
an online
the online
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 coach, influencer, content creator and many others are done on social media since
people
 use them every day
also
this
Correct determiner usage
these
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 workers
has
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have
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 to do the
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same
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some
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same
show examples
.
On the other
hand
Add a comma
,hand
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this
 trend has a lot of negative effects on individuals.
First
 and foremost,
the
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apply
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social anxiety and the pressure of becoming
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successful
successfull
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successful
 in
life
 lead
people
 to l.fe in very bad
condizions
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conditions
condition
. The
last
 but non the least problem is
the
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apply
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mental and
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physical
fiscal
fisical
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physical
 health. Research
suggest
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suggests
show examples
 that never like in nowadays the illness linked to working stress and
bournout
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burnout
 increased in countries where the
economy
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economic
show examples
 system is well developed.
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According
Accoding
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According
 to previous paragraphs, work
play
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plays
show examples
 an important role in today's society.
The modern
Correct article usage
Modern
show examples
life
induce
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induces
show examples
people
 to
spent
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spend
show examples
an
Change the article
a
show examples
 huge amount of time working but
this
 has a negative impact
of
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on
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 both, mental and
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physical
fisical
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physical
 health for individuals. We
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should
could
sould
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should
 seek
for
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apply
show examples
a wise balance in our lives in order to
life
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live
show examples
 better.
Submitted by stadnykviktoriya on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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