In some cultures, children are encouraged to compete against each other. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this approach?

#cultures #children #approach

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According to

some traditions, competitions among

children

are beneficial and are encouraged.

However

this

practice can have both positive and negative impacts on

children

. In

this

essay, I will discuss how competition can foster

children

’s growth,

as well as

highlight a few drawbacks that may result from intense competitiveness. In

this

highly competitive world where only the fittest can survive, learning to fight for themselves and make a way for themselves is highly crucial. Engaging in tournaments and games develops a strong mindset in

children

that will help them embrace challenges, fight, and succeed in their lives.

Moreover

, tournaments often bring setbacks

along with

success. These failures will serve as a first-hand learning for them which will enable them to handle similar situations in their future lives.

While

these tournaments have numerous benefits, they can

also

have adverse effects on

children

if they become overly intense. Engaging in fierce competitions results in rivalry between

children

and results in physical fights.

This

not only affects their relationship with their peers but

also

negatively influences others' attitudes towards them, especially from elders and teachers.

Thus

, potentially leading to social isolation and causing detrimental effects on mental well-being.

Additionally

, Intense competitions instil a must-win attitude in

children

This

may lead them to adopt illicit means

such

as taking performance-enhancing drugs which not only impacts their physical health but can

also

end their career if caught. To summarize, engaging in competitive sports fosters

children

’s development by making them capable of fighting challenges and accepting setbacks.

Nevertheless

, intense competitiveness can lead to negative repercussions on their social

behavior

Change the spelling

behaviour

show examples

, health, and future.

Submitted by sajnamandothputhiyaveetil on Wed Mar 06 2024

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Task Achievement

Ensure your introduction clearly outlines the essay structure and mandate the argument stance. While the intro is good, clarifying your stance directly improves clarity.

Task Achievement

Although you’ve presented clear ideas, integrating specific, real-world examples can enhance the persuasiveness of your arguments. Try to include more varied and detailed examples to support your points.

Coherence & Cohesion

Your essay has a good structure overall, but making transitions smoother between paragraphs can enhance the flow. Consider using more linking phrases to connect ideas more seamlessly.

Coherence & Cohesion

While you’ve logically structured your essay, ensuring each paragraph has a clear main idea followed by supportive arguments and examples can strengthen your coherence. Each body paragraph should be centered around one main idea.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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12
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

266 words

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In some cultures, children are encouraged to compete against each other. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this approach?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

There is an increasing trend around the world of married couples deciding not to have children. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for couples who decide to do this.

Some people think city planners should create more green spaces and plant trees. Others believe that they should focus on building new homes. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Today many young people change their jobs or careers every few years. What do you think are the reasons for this? Do you think the advantages outweigh its disadvantages?

It is a common aspiration among many young people to run their own business, rather than work for an employer. Do you think the advantages of working for yourself outweigh the drawbacks?

Some people argue that when children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough, the children will be sucessful in life. Some think that it will lead to negative pressure on children. Discuss both views and give your opinion.