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In some cultures, children are encouraged to compete against each other. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this approach?

#cultures #children #approach
According to
 some traditions, competitions among
children
 are beneficial and are encouraged.
However
,
this
 practice can have both positive and negative impacts on
children
. In
this
 essay, I will discuss how competition can foster
children
’s growth,
as well as
 highlight a few drawbacks that may result from intense competitiveness. In
this
 highly competitive world where only the fittest can survive, learning to fight for themselves and make a way for themselves is highly crucial. Engaging in tournaments and games develops a strong mindset in
children
 that will help them embrace challenges, fight, and succeed in their lives.
Moreover
, tournaments often bring setbacks
along with
 success. These failures will serve as a first-hand learning for them which will enable them to handle similar situations in their future lives.
While
 these tournaments have numerous benefits, they can
also
 have adverse effects on
children
 if they become overly intense. Engaging in fierce competitions results in rivalry between
children
 and results in physical fights.
This
 not only affects their relationship with their peers but
also
 negatively influences others' attitudes towards them, especially from elders and teachers.
Thus
, potentially leading to social isolation and causing detrimental effects on mental well-being.
Additionally
, Intense competitions instil a must-win attitude in
children
.
This
 may lead them to adopt illicit means
such
 as taking performance-enhancing drugs which not only impacts their physical health but can
also
 end their career if caught. To summarize, engaging in competitive sports fosters
children
’s development by making them capable of fighting challenges and accepting setbacks.
Nevertheless
, intense competitiveness can lead to negative repercussions on their social
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
, health, and future.
Submitted by sajnamandothputhiyaveetil on

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Task Achievement
Ensure your introduction clearly outlines the essay structure and mandate the argument stance. While the intro is good, clarifying your stance directly improves clarity.
Task Achievement
Although you’ve presented clear ideas, integrating specific, real-world examples can enhance the persuasiveness of your arguments. Try to include more varied and detailed examples to support your points.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your essay has a good structure overall, but making transitions smoother between paragraphs can enhance the flow. Consider using more linking phrases to connect ideas more seamlessly.
Coherence & Cohesion
While you’ve logically structured your essay, ensuring each paragraph has a clear main idea followed by supportive arguments and examples can strengthen your coherence. Each body paragraph should be centered around one main idea.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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