In some cultures, children are encouraged to compete against each other. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this approach?

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According to

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some traditions, competitions among

children

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are beneficial and are encouraged.

However

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this

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practice can have both positive and negative impacts on

children

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. In

this

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essay, I will discuss how competition can foster

children

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’s growth,

as well as

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highlight a few drawbacks that may result from intense competitiveness. In

this

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highly competitive world where only the fittest can survive, learning to fight for themselves and make a way for themselves is highly crucial. Engaging in tournaments and games develops a strong mindset in

children

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that will help them embrace challenges, fight, and succeed in their lives.

Moreover

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, tournaments often bring setbacks

along with

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success. These failures will serve as a first-hand learning for them which will enable them to handle similar situations in their future lives.

While

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these tournaments have numerous benefits, they can

also

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have adverse effects on

children

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if they become overly intense. Engaging in fierce competitions results in rivalry between

children

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and results in physical fights.

This

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not only affects their relationship with their peers but

also

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negatively influences others' attitudes towards them, especially from elders and teachers.

Thus

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, potentially leading to social isolation and causing detrimental effects on mental well-being.

Additionally

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, Intense competitions instil a must-win attitude in

children

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This

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may lead them to adopt illicit means

such

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as taking performance-enhancing drugs which not only impacts their physical health but can

also

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end their career if caught. To summarize, engaging in competitive sports fosters

children

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’s development by making them capable of fighting challenges and accepting setbacks.

Nevertheless

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, intense competitiveness can lead to negative repercussions on their social

behavior

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behaviour

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, health, and future.

sajnamandothputhiyaveetilWed Mar 06 2024

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Task Achievement

Ensure your introduction clearly outlines the essay structure and mandate the argument stance. While the intro is good, clarifying your stance directly improves clarity.

Task Achievement

Although you’ve presented clear ideas, integrating specific, real-world examples can enhance the persuasiveness of your arguments. Try to include more varied and detailed examples to support your points.

Coherence & Cohesion

Your essay has a good structure overall, but making transitions smoother between paragraphs can enhance the flow. Consider using more linking phrases to connect ideas more seamlessly.

Coherence & Cohesion

While you’ve logically structured your essay, ensuring each paragraph has a clear main idea followed by supportive arguments and examples can strengthen your coherence. Each body paragraph should be centered around one main idea.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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12
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

266 words

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In some cultures, children are encouraged to compete against each other. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this approach?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Some educationist think that the international exchange visit to different countries for a teenager from school has benefits. To what extend do advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

Lack of fresh water is becoming a global issue of increasing importance. What problems does the shortage of fresh water cause? What measures could be taken to overcome these problems? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

advanteges and disadvantages of playing video games for children

If a person is found to be under the influence of drugs or alcohol while driving, they should be banned from driving for life, whether they were involved in an accident or not. To what extent do you agree or disagree?